music, books, love and kindness

I’ve been on staycation and today I spent some time trying to get rid of stuff in my desk drawers. 

While doing that, I discovered some old journals and I realize that I’ve thrown some of them out over the years, but I still have some.

I remember tossing certain ones out because I was full of shame when I reread them a few years ago. 

Not a sordid type of shame (maybe that would be better somehow),but a shame at how little I have emotionally grown over the years, or at least in the ways that matter. (I no longer crush on people or feel crushed as easily, but I still feel like I'm about 10 years inside).

Even so, I wish I had not thrown them away because I need to go back and remember something and I don’t remember it. Most of my writings from 1997-1999 are missing and that is the time period I most needed to consult.

One of my biggest regrets is that I didn’t keep journals in middle and high school. I kept one in college, but lost it decades ago, a loss I still think about sometimes.

I’m not sure what point I’m trying to make except that if you ever doubt your writing, even if you think it’s trash,or worse pathetic, don’t throw it away! You might find yourself regretting it years later when you need to go back and read something from a certain time in your life.