"She would take a break from herself, too, but she doesn't have that option."

from the New Yorker

...amazing and haunting and sadly beautiful story


FICTION

“FLOWER HUNTERS”

“What is it about me that people need breaks from? she asks the dog.”

By Lauren Groff

NOVEMBER 21, 2016 ISSUE

read here:

http://www.newyorker.co
m/magazine/2016/11/21/flower-hunters

"It makes a hole in your heart. But you can't fall into it. You have to fill it. You have to fight. Do not throw away who you are."--Supergirl

A well-meaning friend called me up to tell me about this 'documentary' on Reelz not too long ago. She knows how much I love the Carpenters and wanted to let me know it was on, which, at first, I thought was good as it was new to me and I had not heard about it at all and have always just absolutely loved Karen's amazing voice and been charmed by how sweet and kind she seemed as a person.

Not too far into watching 'Goodbye to Love,' though, I realized it was going the way of tabloid tv rather than PBS (which has also shown a documentary on Karen, and her brother, and actually is a documentary).

I am sure they had good intentions being involved with the production of 'Goodbye to Love,' but Karen's friends and acquaintances showing up in interview clips stuck in between very tacky actor reenactments...well, it all just struck me as very sad and very wrong and very disrespectful and I had to stop watching mid-way through.

What happened to Karen was something full of sorrow and full of a personal horror that only Karen herself could truly know and that she suffered in silence and to have people speculating about what caused her anorexia and what was in her heart and to have tv producers spinning her story like it is something sensational for ratings...well, that just adds a whole other kind of sadness to something that still feels as heartbreaking as if it just happened yesterday.

I so dislike the words "sexual identity" and "sexual minority." Though I think well-meaning people can use these words I also think that the far right and very conservative Christians use them to emphasize "sex" so they can feel better about being homophobic or, worse, feel okay with demonizing gay people.

Maybe homophobic do not see this or maybe they might not even be capable of grasping this, but being gay is not about sex. It really is not, at least not for people like me who are celibate and/or virgins. I would like to give anti-gay people the benefit of the doubt and believe that they would feel differently if they knew how much gays and lesbians suffering from being marginalized (or even hated or abused) because of who they are, but I am not so sure. 

What I am sure about it is that for those of who who are gay, especially lesbians (who I think tend to be ridiculed even within their own community for this), finding novels like the one below is very, very rare and much appreciated:

a rare and special thing, where a main character is a lesbian and a virgin and an adult