Holiday Daze

For many, the holidays are a trying time. It could be hard for some lonely people to see so much cheer around them no matter how hard they try to be happy for them.


It could be that all the Christmas commercialism is just a little crass when shopping has become such a cold, greedy, downright distasteful thing.

Or it could be the fears that come with all that food constantly on tables in staff lounges, at home and friends' houses.

The other night on a Charlie Brown special Marcie said that Thanksgiving was about more than food, that it was about people. She is right. It is or, at least, should be.

But ask anyone who struggles with weight issues or eating problems what the hardest time of the year for them is and they'll probably say any date from Thanksgiving on to New Year's Day.

The following article isn't going to ease up all the anxiety from the stress food brings during the holidays, but it certainly is less pat than others I've seen and actually has some good advice to follow:


read "The Feast of Gluttony" here

"Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self." - Cyril Connolly


No one ever says to a straight writer, "You write too much about straight people," yet critics often accuse gay and lesbian novelists of writing too much about their own community*. For me, this is a double whammy on top of the one that already demonizes people simply for who they love.

We need a voice in fiction just as much as any other group does.  Maybe in big cities like New York or Los Angeles or even D.C. being gay is no big deal, but where I live people still care, and often in a bad way. Keeping quiet about who you really are is often the only way to go.

I had this terribly unrealistic dream once that I could write the kind of fiction that would shatter stereotypes, maybe even bring the most homophobic homophobe to see the light about how human and moral and loving gays and lesbians are or can be. I was going to write the kind of love stories that would emphasize the love, not the sex. Because when I was in my 20s and grabbing any GLBT fiction I could (because there was and is so little), it kind of angered me how much of it was steeped in sexual stuff and not so much the love.

But the more I wrote, the more I realized I was not going to be that person. My dialogue is horrible and I write about the kind of woman I'm pretty sure would never come across as realistic. Worst of all, no matter how hard I try not to base the narrator on me, my "voice" is always me.

Still, I try. Not because I wish I could write good fiction and won't give up, but because it is an outlet for me, a little happy place I escape to in a world that mostly doesn't believe that gays and lesbians are anything but sordid.

This post comes not from the perspective of a "special interest group member" (as the far right sometimes likes to anyone who dares to speak up), but from a basic human rights need. 

As an old New Order song ("Thieves Like Us") goes: "It's called love and it belongs to every one of us."





* (When Sarah Waters' The Little Stranger first appeared, a lot of book reviews went on and on about how it was her first "non-lesbian" novel...as if she had been writing too much about gay women.)

Thanksgiving tremors

For some people this picture is Heaven, for others it is Hell. Food isn't supposed to be scary or sinful or any other negative word you can think of to convey how afraid of it you can be. But for some, a table full of enticing food can induce a kind of panic normally reserved for emergencies or life-threatening situations.

I'm not sure if so many people really do enjoy the holidays as much as they seem to or if they're really just good at hiding their pain, distrust, horror or "hurry up and get this over with" attitude.

And I also don't know if it's just me who thinks this or if there are others who wonder why on earth Hallmark has been showing Christmas movies non-stop since the day after Halloween. Seriously, you'd have to be a mighty happy, cynic-free, tons of time on your hands kind of person to want to watch so many holiday movies non-stop.

If you have food problems or family issues that are extremely challenging, you're @#$% out of luck in avoiding the kind of holiday cheer that gets so manic it makes you want to vomit at times.

I don't think it would be so bad if the holidays were about genuine things like kindness and love and, hey, even God. But what makes it especially hard is the commercialism and greedy need for all things electronic and the way strangers treat each other in parking lots and the road.

And the food, oh the food. Family issues aside, for some of us the food is the worst part. The weight of it all can put a pressure on your chest the size of an elephant.

Sit Calm, Lessons from Tv

"Just because something needs to be told doesn't always mean it needs to be heard."- Kevin on "How I Met Your Mother"

Simple words, but oh so true! Lately, it seems, when I'm looking for a sign I get it from a tv sitcom, of all places.

Kevin's words from "How I Met Your Mother" remind me of something a friend told me when I was wrestling with desperately wanting to apologize to someone for something from long ago.

"Who is this apology helping more? You or the person you hurt?"

It made me think. I would love nothing more than to make amends for something I did in my past. I truly regret what I did and would never have ever intentionally hurt this person.

But is it really worth it to her, if I risk digging up the painful past and bad memories?

If a confession works better for us than the person we're confessing to, maybe it should be left alone...sometimes closure just has to come from knowing there will never be closure.

And if you're lucky, coming to accept that will help (even if just a little bit) calm the hornet's nest stirring inside you.

So much fun

I wish all 18th century novels were as much fun as this deliciously humorous one. I was feeling kind of down this morning and went over to my bookshelf to see if I could find something to pull me out of myself. And there was Tom Jones, a book I last read twenty years ago, waiting for me.

It's the kind of classic that is fresh and exciting, defying stereotypes (at least stereotypes that a lot of students believe) that classics are boring.

I love the chapter headings, especially this one:

Containing such grave matter that the reader cannot laugh once through the whole chapter, unless peradventure he should laugh at the author.

I wish Henry Fielding had written more; his books really make me laugh! Joseph Andrews and Shamela are two of my other favorite 18th century novels and are both by him. The formality of words from so long ago combined with a timeless sense of wit just floors me!:)

Misery Bear, I'd be friends with you.

Who knew a teddy bear could be so sad and miserable? Have you seen this? It's a little too maudlin for me, but there's something about the bear I like (also, be sure to check out the much funnier "Dawn of The Ted" video) :


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5dTHlTu_DC8


I have been watching more of the Misery Bear videos and I really feel for the poor guy. He has over 35,000 likes on Facebook and one of the most touching things about the bear is how he brings out compassion and "Hey, I can relate!" comments.

He's not real, I mean I know that (obviously, right?) But the feelings he brings out in any of us who finds a soft spot for him are surprisingly strong.

Who has not, at one time or another, felt that deep need to connect with another living soul? Ideally, for us humans, that connection would not be with a teddy bear, but there's nothing wrong with a quick hug with your favorite stuffed animal if he or she happens to be nearby!!:)