Except For That is most definitely not something I would have chosen to read if anyone else but Rachel Windsor had written it.

 

I read romantic fiction, often lesbian romantic fiction, for the love story and human dynamics, not for the sexual components. Rachel Windsor, however, always seems to pull real and lasting love out of complicated situations. Plus, she tries to see all sides and writes so incredibly well.

 

In this tale, main character Mo loses her interest in the physical side of her love with her girlfriend Beth because of the medicine she's taking for her depression. Their once active and fully committed to each other love life comes to a halt.

 

Out of extreme guilt she really shouldn't have to be feeling, Mo gives Beth her permission to have sexual relations with someone else. When Beth asks what the conditions would be instead of yelling, "No way, no how, I only want you," the story takes a very uncomfortable turn for me. Rattled...I can't quite figure out why since the pain is way out of proportion to my own life experience.

 

I could never understand being unhappy in a relationship just because the sex "was gone." Of course, there are many reasons why someone would be unhappy about that and I don't really know why I'm talking about something I have no experience with so there's that too. Still, I just can't imagine any scenario where I would be in love and ever stray, at all. Maybe it's easier for those of us who are single (and romantics at heart) to be prissy, but there it is.

 

If I could put it into any words why this particular story bothers me so, I guess it would come down to this: how can sex ever come before one's love and caring for their partner's health and wellbeing? That is what is making me so irrationally mad. I'm so glad it's on my ereader because otherwise I might toss it down in exasperation.

 

There are other issues related to the physical side of relationships that come in both straight and gay dating, but I have to say that when I tried (desperately) to go out with guys so that I could be "normal," and then later followed my heart with dating (however short-lived that was) it wasn't the men who had trouble with virginity or lack of sexual activity...it was the women.

 

I had been used to homophobic people thinking being gay was just about sex, but I had never thought other lesbians would be that way.They were the ones, if we got past a first date, who judged or stopped calling or made it a huge issue...as if the "third date rule" (ridiculous a 'rule' as it is) was somehow carved in stone and just had to be followed.

 

Sometimes...more than sometimes, in the past few years, actually...I keep thinking it's a blessing or meant to be that what I'm looking for isn't out there...better to stick with books and silly love songs and all that.

 

Getting back to the book, I can only hope that Beth doesn't go through with the "solution" and that she and Mo stay together. Because I not only can't throw the book down, I want to keep reading and find I was completely wrong to get all bent out of shape...

 

 

 

I finished this morning and there were actually a few times I thought I was going to throw up, that's how bad my nerves were over this, an eighty six page story...Again, I don't understand the intense reaction. I think, in part, it's because Beth goes through with the cheating and it kills me that it's not enough for her that she and Mo have a solid loving relationship in every other way.

 

It's true that, in the end, the two get back together, both promising to work on their relationship. But the affair has happened and the fact that Mo's health issues aren't resolved is unnerving. Even more unnerving is the implication Mo will do whatever it takes to get her sex drive back. 

 

The title itself comes from when Beth tells the woman she's soon going to cheat with that she and Mo are fine "except for that," meaning their love life. By the story's close, the words have a different, more positive, implication, but it doesn't change (for me) that Beth couldn't be stronger when it came to her urges. Mo, the reader sees, also is deeply hurt by this, despite the fact it was her "idea."

 

No matter what, or maybe because of it, I think it says a lot about a writer and how powerful words can be, in the right person's hands, when fiction gets to you in a way that physically and emotionally shakes you to the core.

I struggle with myself on almost any given day, but especially after I feel like I've been foolish or said something unintentionally hurtful, forgotten to do something important...or when I still find myself feeling things (no matter if they are feelings of love or genuine concern) I wanted to stop feeling ages ago.

Today, mostly a very nice one, I almost made it through without having a "what a moron I am" moment, but I failed...and was a complete dodo.

This article came up when I did a search and it's really one of the best things that appeared. But it saddens me so much to see that there is a lot of self-hatred and pain on the Internet that exists in the world (of course) but is more openly expressed online.

So many people, especially teenagers, are truly suffering with who they are and how to go on each day. My heart aches for them.


 http://www.psychalive.org/i-hate-myself/

from An Abundance of Katherines

So I actually got a lot of cleaning and big items laundry done today and other "catch-up" things and just sat down to discover my iPhone battery life is dropping at 1% per minute...which it doesn't do, ever.

I just upgraded for my 5s phone in August and I've never had trouble with Apple products before. This article may not end up solving the problem, but even if it doesn't it still has some helpful information:

http://www.scottyloveless.com/blog/2014/the-ultimate-guide-to-solving-ios-battery-drain

And this explains airplane mode use:

http://fieldguide.gizmodo.com/three-uses-for-airplane-mode-that-dont-involve-flying-1584166499

I got enough charge from listening to music and feeling productive today and exercising that my mood has really improved. (Thank you, endorphins!)

And I do believe that, though it must certainly be nice and wonderful, you don't need to be part of a couple to have a good Valentine's Day! It can be for friendship and family too and, besides, love should be part of every day, anyway. If anyone is reading this, I wish you lots of love and goodness this weekend! :)

There are so many songs from the past I've 'gotten over' through the years, but no matter where I am or when it comes on, especially unexpectedly, "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" still takes me back to ninth grade and how scary and exciting I found high school.

I remember the good...English class (our teacher's gentle voice and how she made Cry, The Beloved Country a book I would never forget)...how then my best friend (whom I met that year) and I would not let go of our Duran Duran obsession...

and the bad...big hair and my first horrible, horrible crush (thankfully, not on my friend) and how I didn't know what to do with all those weird feelings and how grateful I was I had a good friend and actually liked learning and that it was blessed distraction not a curse.

Other songs like Jellybean's "Sidewalk Talk" (featuring Madonna) remind me (crazy as it is that I can sometimes forget) that my sister and I used to be really close and would sometimes like the same music and even hang out while we listened to it.

I honestly don't know that I would change growing up in the 80s no matter how much I sometimes hated some of it at the time. Though I much prefer other music over that from my teen years, no other quite affects me the same way.

The writer of this article explores the deep connection between music and memory:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-athletes-way/201312/why-do-the-songs-your-past-evoke-such-vivid-memories

 

I can honestly say that I don't think I've ever read anything that is both adorable and racy. I'm not normally one for racy romances, but Little Things is so well-written, so funny and deals with social anxiety* in such an authentic, touching way that the risqué parts (not an overwhelming aspect anyway) are fine.

There is humor that makes you smile ("The chrysanthemums looked like Iron Man and Harry Potter had made the colour selections, and then decided to go for broke on volume.") and heartache that may be all too familiar ("Getting up was hard, but necessary. Smiling was even more so. She crinkled her eyes and bared her teeth and trusted the world not to know the difference.")

Little Things is short, but its length works, the relationship is sweet and the writing (it bares mentioning again) is fantastic. It's only 99 cents on Amazon, but I would have paid more...it's that good!

 

 

 

*For anyone who has ever suffered social anxiety, particularly the fear of being looked at and judged, this story is more than just a story. It's like finding someone else who understands you.

 

I can probably count on one hand the amount of fiction I've read where the main character is portrayed as human and real and not automatically "undateable" because she has genuine fears and concerns and anxieties and has daily mantras like the one below. Fiction like this has the power to make a bad day better.

 

“You have this,” she reminded herself. “Just little longer and you can go home.” She breathed, folding her tears back inside and gently placing the hurting, overwhelmed portion of her psyche in a small mental box.