(a wonderful novel that explores the more romantic and emotional--and less physical--side of two people in love who happen to be of the same gender)
People tend to think that libraries are a pretty open-minded and liberal place with no bias towards one subject or title over another and for the most part I agree...yet it is so very very hard to find a solid gay and lesbian fiction collection. Even classics like the above (the very touching and sweet novel Patience and Sarah by Isabel Miller) are hard to find.
Coming Out or Coming Apart?
Monday was not just Columbus Day but also National Coming Out Day and while I understand there are helpful purposes behind it (such as giving a face to the gay community and letting other people know gay people are just as regular as the next guy or girl) I also think coming out is a highly personal decision and that no one should be "guilted" into telling the world who they are...not coming out doesn't make someone a coward or a traitor to "the community." Jodie Foster is an example. If she is gay (and I stress if because I don't think this is official information) it's not her "duty," as some people have suggested, as a public figure to come out.
With gay issues in the news a lot lately ("Don't Ask, Don't Tell," the homophobic remarks made by Paladino and a rise in New York City--of all places!--of hate crimes), my mind has been wrestling with a lot of things...
I sometimes wonder about the anti-gay crowd, not the hate mongers within who can be easily dismissed and invalidated because of their unbelievable homophobia, but the ones who honestly believe gay marriage is wrong, the ones who probably wouldn't spit on you, just are super adamant in their belief that marriage should remain between one man and one woman.
...and you know what? I don't hate those people, I don't. Because they're sincere in their traditional beliefs and I don't think (or at least I hope it's not)it's about bigotry. And besides, even during my more delusional "I'm going to meet someone someday" moments I never expected marriage. Civil unions...commitment ceremonies, sure, but...
Still, there are so many directions my breaking heart and rushing mind go...foremost being: what business is it of others to judge the fate of two people sincerely and deeply in love? What gives the haters and the deniers the right to interfere, to keep two people in love apart when one of them is dying in the hospital? Where is the rationale in saying gays are promiscuous and yet then turning around and saying two committed people in love (who are about far more than having sex) can't be together?
There have been many times in my life when I was convinced (am convinced) that being gay was (is) a guaranteed trip to Hell...and when I try and understand why people are anti-gay these are the reasons I can think of (mostly because I have felt them myself and have even woken up in a cold sweat after having nightmares about going to HELL):
-personal disgust (it's possible to hate the very thing you are and yet at other times to find it very appealing)
-bigotry, plain and simple, because of that personal disgust
-religion (because a book more than 2000 years old them so)
-natural law (they see being gay as unnatural and in a way I suppose it is...men and women 'connect' physically in a way two people of the same gender can't)
-they see being gay as a "mental illness" (which, ironically, counters their other view point that being gay is a "choice.")
Events such as Gay Pride Parades (in my mind) only perpetuate decades-old stereotypes, especially about men who are gay. I long for a simpler, romantic and emotions-based example of gays and lesbians to be portrayed in the media...because being gay is about a lot more than just sex...it's about growing old together (or wanting to grow old together) with someone you couldn't imagine being apart from...and about doing the same, every day old things straight people do...like cooking and cleaning and washing the car and doing the grocery shopping and...well, hopefully you get the picture.
I didn't write this to offend anyone but out of a genuine frustration (and internal conflict) with a world that is divided on such an important social issue...and I write it even though I usually try to stay away from controversial posts.
It's just that some days (especially living a very conservative part of town with no gay friends or anyone willing to listen) it feels very lonely...as an adult I'm doing pretty well most of the time, but I remember vividly how it was as a teen and I know it's still just as hard to be gay and young...statistics show that the suicide rate is higher among gay and lesbian teens...a sad fact which is made sadder because so many forces (including the far far right who often invoke God as being on their side) force them to feel bad about themselves.
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