music, books, love and kindness

I am not proud of who I sometimes am, especially the past year and a half. Prayer, meditation and grounding myself more help a little, but not as much as I would like. I thought I was becoming stronger emotionally and working harder at getting rid of unwanted feelings, but they always manage to creep back in.

Even knowing this person I like thinks I'm an idiot, I still continue to wish I were capable of even just one cogent conversation with her. My guilt makes me worry she knows when in reality there's no way she could tell. Ironically (or not?) she is the model of composure I long to emulate.

But it's not just this crush that's been plaguing me, it's what at heart of the crush and what has always been my downfall. Being an emotional person is not all that great a thing to be. I'd much rather be like Spock and not react to anything, the bad or the good.

Once again I turn to Wiki How and its sound advice for help:

Don't Let Your Emotions Rule Your Life