music, books, love and kindness

Sometimes, I like to clip op-ed pieces from various newspapers that remind me there are people of religious background who don't want to keep gay people from being able to marry the person he or she loves. It really helps me on trying nights, even though I know in my heart (gay or not) true love is not cut out for me and I can live a relatively happy life without it. The above was published in a recent edition of the Baltimore Sun.

I believe, aside from the back-and-forth morality issues I struggle with related to being a lesbian, that I would be single no matter what my orientation. I also believe that a painful past experience can also be a helpful teaching one in the present and that if I hadn't learned it's best to keep your feelings to yourself no matter who the person you like is, I wouldn't know that I should, could and would never let the person I like now ever have a clue, inappropriate nature or not.

Nothing sticks in your mind forever like the look of horror on someone's face when they realize you like them..it's painful for you, of course, but the discomfort it inflicts on the other person and the friendship you lose is much much worse.

Today, I had a major setback (internally) with how I deal with my feelings. It feels like a personal failure and something that externally came across as rude and immature.

I realized I have to find a careful balance between better hiding my feelings for and from someone I like and not becoming cold or distant. In other words: "be normal" as many advice columns would say.

Little did I figure that when I Googled "how to hide your feelings for someone" so much would turn up in the search. There's the always trusty Wiki How (even if it's geared towards younger people) with this and then eHow with How To Hide That You Like Someone. There's even stuff about it on Yahoo Answers.

I think what horrifies me the most about what I found is that all the links are meant for teenagers in high school, which only adds to my guilt that I'm a grown woman feeling this way.