music, books, love and kindness

Obviously, common sense and emotion don't always go hand in hand, though I wish they did. It would make life easier and more eloquent. Because I am so lacking in that particular combination lately, I prayed for guidance today when I knew I'd have to be around X for more than a minute.

I think I say pray because there's an extra sense of urgency in this particular case that she never know how I feel, as if her being of sincere and conservative faith makes it somehow worse that I have feelings for her. I have always felt, deep down and perhaps inexplicably, that liking someone who doesn't feel the same is a bad, bad thing and that I should have known better, been more responsible for my emotions right from the start.

Unfortunately, there's not always an exact moment you can pinpoint from meeting someone for the first time to realizing one day you like them. It's not like your heart tells you, "Hey, buddy, I wanted to give you a little warning that things are about to change a bit." Liking someone, for me at least, has never really felt like a choice. It's always been like something that happened to me, only I didn't realize it until after it happened.

Today, I wasn't worried that I might suddenly burst out with a passionate "I like you SO much" or anything embarrassingly blatant like that. It's more like the things I have trouble controlling when I'm around someone I like: shaking hands, babbling like a fool or clamming up and not saying a word at all or bumping into things or dropping them.

I think God must have been with me today because I actually was able to talk as normally as I'm capable of around people. I even was able to reassure myself that I don't think she has a clue as to all of "this." If she did know, I just don't see how she could be so pleasant.

Anyway...I'm not quite ready to declare that I'm cured of or able to let go of my feelings yet (though I long to), but I am trying extra hard to be in control of my emotions and I'm also looking for books and articles that may help.

This is some of what I've found so far. It's not related to feelings for people so much as it is how we react to things, but I'll take whatever I can get:

http://www.uncommonhelp.me/articles/how-to-control-your-emotions/

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to monitor one's own and other people's emotions, to discriminate between different emotions and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior...from Wikipedia.

http://www.amazon.com/Stop-Overreacting-Effective-Strategies-Emotions-ebook/dp/B003VPWXFG/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1404690865&sr=1-1&keywords=controlling+your+emotions