I don't refer to myself as unattractive to get pity or be disingenuous. I do it, and particularly did it when I used to try the personals, to be honest, to prepare someone who's about to meet me in person for the first time if it's in a certain context.
"Oh, no, no, no one's ugly. You shouldn't call yourself that." One woman assured me over the phone the night before we were to meet. I silently agreed with her because I normally hate the word "ugly" and would never use it to describe someone else.
The next day we met at a Starbucks in Rockville. Meeting for coffee is always better than for a meal because if things don't work out well, things don't drag out so long.
But during this particular instance, the woman had barely sat down at the table (her eyes clearly showing her disappointment) before she bounced back up and told me she'd just remembered she'd forgot to feed her cats. You could hear the screech of her tires as she pulled out of the parking lot.
I'd blame it on my personality, but we took lots of time getting to know each other on the phone first. She said she liked my voice, shared my interests in books and music and wanted to get to know me better. But none of that meant anything the moment she laid eyes on me. I've never seen such panic in someone's eyes before. Well, I have, actually, but not quite like this.
Things have always gone so much better up to the "meet in person" date, that I sometimes think (if I still wanted to date) that I would try finding love exclusively through phone and email contact. I'm less shy that way and, for weeks or even months, I can look like whatever the person envisions in her mind.
In the end, that's not a real relationship. You can't hug or eat dinner or just hang out comfortably with someone over the phone...not in any way that warms your soul. For that, for me in particular, I'm better off with books. Books might not be able to hug me in any physical way, but they touch my heart and soul and they honestly could care less what I look like...
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