music, books, love and kindness

Below follows one of the best articles I've ever read on the topic of being single and facing the very real possibility of never finding true love. It strikes me as both odd and funny that even in the 21st century people who never get married can still get treated as though they are to be pitied or, worse, "damaged goods."

"Some people never find the love of their lives. And live to tell about it." is a couple of years old, but it's still rather fascinating and definitely relevant:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/some-people-never-find-the-love-of-their-lives-and-live-to-tell-about-it/2012/01/13/gIQAB0S43Q_story.html

Some of the parts that really stand out:

The hope is for a constant companion who will bear intimate witness to our lives. Who will heighten our joy and ease our suffering. Who will be our designated collaborator and caretaker, sparing us the effort of constantly fending for ourselves.

And we’re promised as much. There is a lid for every pot, they say. Someone for everyone.

This part particularly resonates, especially because people (even those who barely know you) feel free (without provocation) to comment on your state of not being married:

And when we meet someone who hasn’t married by 40 or 50, we want an explanation. So, we assign one: He’s a commitment-phobe. She’s too picky. They all have “issues.” Because if there was no reason, it could happen to any of us — and that’s not a prospect we’re eager to confront.

Braitman, the blogger, knows people assume it’s somehow her fault, and they’re quick to try to fix the problem. “Everyone’s weighed in on it,” she says. “ ‘You should wear your clothes tight. You should not have short hair. You should dress more like a girl.’ I think I’ve heard everything.”


At the time the Washington Post linked this online, comments reached over 700, many of which are interesting and some of which are very comforting.