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Sometimes I actually fantasize about doing this:

 http://www.wikihow.com/Fake-Your-Own-Death

I don't know why I didn't know it's against the law to do so...so I guess that's out for me. I would never intentionally break the law, but I so want to just make a completely fresh start with my life. I've f**d it up very much.

I'm so out of sorts with my parents these past few weeks and someone I like now hates me (though she's too much of a lady to say so) and the more I try to do the right thing, the worse I make it. 

The road to Hell really is paved with good intentions. People can't read your mind or your emotions so all you have to show for who you truly are is how you behave and I behave like an idiot more times than not. 

Still, I will not give up on trying to be a better person and starting over:

  http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201001/10-ways-and-reasons-you-can-start-over