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| art by Kevin Nowlan |
Yesterday was not
one of my finer moments. As soon as I got to where I was going, I tried (I swear I tried) to
get into “I can cope seeing her” mode, battling silly butterflies and wondering why I can't just be normal around people I like...really, people in general, for that matter.
Ironically, (don’t ask me why…there’s no rationality to it) I panicked
(only on the inside) when I didn’t see her. I pictured the bad weather
affecting her commute. I worried about her, another inappropriate reaction, since we're not friends.
Then, when I did see
her, I panicked again and retreated into my version of Spock, which apparently
comes across more as “forlorn and confused." I just can’t pull off
sophisticated and detached, I just can’t.
Maybe this makes me a very bad person, but, sometimes, it is near impossible for me to be around someone I like
a lot and hold it all in. I just want to find a nice balance (not just in this area, but in any emotional situation) between composed and kind, without letting everything I feel fall all over the place.
All
I want, all I can ever hope for, is to find a way to be able to live with
myself in peace and get past this and the other things that challenge me. And since I’m certainly never going to be living with anyone else in a
cohabitating, mutually loving way I also have to accept that and I have to stop hating myself so much on the days I fail.
I need to be my own heroine, my own rescuer from loneliness and pain and overwhelming emotions. They say you need to fake it until you make it. I don't take that to mean to lie or be false...just to find the appropriate feelings you're striving and pretend to feel it, until you really do.
That's good advice most of the time, but according to Inc. magazine it actually might not be:
The maxim "fake it until you make it" makes sense on some levels. Most people occasionally struggle with feeling overwhelmed or unconfident, so the idea of pushing through those negative emotions seems logical.
But sustaining a false front for the long term isn't in your best interest. Here are a few reasons why.
But sustaining a false front for the long term isn't in your best interest. Here are a few reasons why.
You'll repel people.
Show me someone who pretends to have it all together, and you'll find me walking the other direction. Though authenticity is hard to define, you probably know its opposite when you see it.Magnetic and likable people are not afraid to share things about themselves that might even make them look bad. In doing so, they convey a sense of humility, honesty, and vulnerability that work to lower people's defenses.
Faking it is stressful.
If you've purchased something from Walgreens lately, the cashier may have used the branded salutation "be well," which the drugstore chain thinks makes customers happier.But according to LinkedIn influencer Annie Murphy Paul, the people it doesn’t please are the employees who have to say it regardless of their feelings about the customers they're mandated to bless.
She says organizational experts define this kind of behavior as "surface acting," which is essentially faking cheerfulness--and in Walgreens's case, concern--all day long while interacting with customers.
"This kind of faking is hard work--sociologists call it 'emotional labor'--and research shows that it's often experienced as stressful," Paul writes. "It's psychologically and even physically draining; it can lead to lowered motivation and engagement with work and ultimately to job burnout."
For the rest of the article go here:
http://www.inc.com/christina-desmarais/why-fake-it-til-you-make-it-bad-advice.html
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| "Stand down, feelings, stand down."-from Bob's Burgers |
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