Wednesday, February 18, 2015

silly things you write in very weak moments...

I think about you often, even though I like someone else, someone in real life I must stop liking. The idea of you, I must admit, came rather late into my life. When other girls were planning their future weddings, with as-yet-to-meet-boys, I was wondering why I wanted to BE a boy, why I felt the need to protect instead of be protected. I never once thought of what my wedding would be like…because I knew I’d never have one. Women like me didn’t have that option.


But the idea of you persisted…in my dreams, in my thoughts, in my heart. Every solid fact proved again and again that love and I were not meant for each other. Lonely hearts are stubborn, though, and very much delusional…and I feel (however wrong I may be) that you’re out there (somewhere) no matter how many years or miles away.


I’m sure I AM wrong (that I’ll get over my someone in real life and someday met YOU and you’ll actually, maybe, possibly, love me back) but it gets me through bad days and I dream about it (actual dreaming at night) and so I sometimes let myself believe (however wispy that believing is.)


I imagine what you’re like, more often than I should. You are kind and smart and sweet, very loving and loyal and faithful. You’re stronger than I am, yet still feminine.  You wouldn’t mind that I’m not wildly experienced or that I am old-fashioned when it comes to romance and love. You would adore me and I adore you and hopefully we’d grow old together


Does that sound silly? Of course it does! Maybe it even sounds creepy. But, for me, that makes it not one bit less true. Even if I never find you, I will always hold on to the idea of you…just a little bit of false hope to hold on to on during those long nights when the world feels like such a lonely place.

Please, dear you, please if you’re out there, able and willing to care and love with all of your heart, please come into my life sooner rather later. I’m not very pretty nor wildly fascinating, but I have a huge heart and a desire to be everything to the woman I may be lucky enough to find one day.

Most sincerely,
me
 

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