One innate response to
this type of environment is for the child to develop chronic shame. He
interprets his distress, which is caused by his emotional aloneness, as a
personal flaw. He blames himself for what he is feeling and concludes
that there must be something wrong with him. This all happens
unconsciously. For the child, shaming himself is less terrifying than
accepting that his caregivers can’t be counted on for comfort or
connection.
To understand Brian’s
type of shame, it helps to know that there are basically two categories
of emotions. There are core emotions, like anger, joy and sadness, which
when experienced viscerally lead to a sense of relief and clarity (even
if they are initially unpleasant). And there are inhibitory emotions,
like shame, guilt and anxiety, which serve to block you from
experiencing core emotions.
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