music, books, love and kindness

Despite knowing there is no point to it, I cannot stop thinking about a homophobic comment I heard someone say earlier today. I moved on because there really is no point in saying anything nor is a confrontation a good idea, at least under the circumstances at the time. Even so, I think of all the things I wish I could say to this person, wondering if the words would even make a difference. I am emphasizing lesbians as I go on because my co-worker specifically mentioned gay women and because I am a lesbian and that is probably partly why I am so upset, though I would like to think I would be just as offended as a straight person.

If I thought they would, though, my first question would be: do you know there are many lesbians, even in this day and age, who seriously think about killing themselves and only do not do so because suicide (in many people's eyes) is a bigger sin than being gay is?

Or: do you understand, I mean really understand, that all most lesbians want is to be able to safely and legally marry the person they want to grow old with? Maybe not with U-Haul speed, but definitely with the most sincere and heartfelt of longing.

Do you know, can you actually even grasp, that there are lesbians, both teen and adult, who have never been intimate with someone 'that way' and who truly just long for love and simple human contact? That hugging and simple hand holding is just as romantic and much more hungered for than sex? Sex without love, after all, is absolutely meaningless. And you do not have to have ever had sex to know this. You could say you can't miss what you've never had, but I do not think that is necessarily so. Everyone, straight or gay, wonders at some point what sex is like. That does not mean they give in to their curiosities or have a fling with the first available person. Most romantics, especially die-hard ones, could not even imagine getting into bed with someone they did not love nor with someone who did not love them back.

Thinking about what I heard today (I cannot even comfortably repeat it here, though this person also once said "I wonder which one is the man in the relationship?") makes me wonder where their hatred (and there is no way their views  are not hateful) comes from and why they continue to let it fester. Yes, there are lesbians who unfortunately support the stereotypes. I have met them and wondered just as homophobes might, what is wrong with someone who only wants to have sex and nothing else?  But I have read and known of loving, deeply committed lesbian couples, together for decades, whose only crime ever was mutually falling in love. For those of us who are single lesbians our only crime is wanting to fall in love with someone who could possibly love us back. That "that someone" just happens to be another woman should not be the big issue it still is for so many people :(