ghosting hurts, no matter why someone does it...

Perception is reality is a saying I believe very much. Because we all have different life experiences and often see things in ways unique to us (I think) it is impossible not to see things different than they may actually be.

It is only recently that I heard the term "ghosting," whereupon someone in a friendship or relationship slowly (or maybe not always so slowly) just disappears, by not emailing or texting or calling anymore. They fade away, thereby the "ghosting."

I do not consider myself a very good person. I have done things I am not proud of and I believe, because of my own thinking and because of things I have been told by others, that being gay is sinful, at least according to the Bible. I have, though, been a good friend to the person who has "ghosted" me...or at least I think I have been.

Being told "I am not mad at you" or "it's not you, it's me" as the person backs away (in this case, metaphorically) may be a more gentle kind of ghosting than others, but it is still ghosting and it still hurts very, very much. This person and I confided in each other often and said things we might not have said to other people. I cannot, however, in good faith (or any kind of faith) reach out to see if I am actually being "ghosted," even if that is not the reality that is happening.

In my mind, with my past experiences, perception is reality and my perception tells me that this person, while possibly taking a less direct and even perhaps (I stress perhaps) cowardly approach, no longer wants anything to do with me. She most likely thinks she is being kind by not telling me the truth. But as an old Russian proverb goes: "It is better to be slapped with the truth than kissed with a lie." 


I thought I was okay with the end of this friendship (or what seems like the end of it), but I am not. I want closure, I want to know what I did wrong. The thing is...there is no way I can or will ever get it because to contact this person would be wrong and disrespectful of boundaries. All I can do is hope she is okay and move on, trying to forget that for almost three years, just shy of a few days, we told each other so many things and (I thought) helped each other with a pain we shared in common. I wish her well, always, even if she will never know this or would not care if she did.




**This article is helpful and can help put things in perspective if something like this happened to you:


https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201705/6-ways-deal-the-pain-being-ghosted


I especially like this part, which may not make it right, but makes absolute sense, even if it still hurts:


5. Even if it isn't something you would do, it can help you to move on if you make some room for the possibility that the person who ghosted you thought that he or she was doing the right thing. It may have been cowardly, but I have been told by some people who have ghosted someone else that they believed it was the easiest way to let the other person down. "It's better than some lame excuse that just makes the other person feel bad anyway," said one woman. "The message gets across."