I see her and my heart still skips a beat (whenever I see her, really) after all these years…how silly and wrong and out of line am I?
As ridiculous as this may sound, I am so very sad about it, liking her so much, with a weird warmth and deep caring that makes no sense whatsoever.
Not only because she and I aren’t friends, but also because (horribly I admit to you, diary) I usually don’t “do” deep caring. I am almost always more comfortable around animals than humans.
I feel like I’m trying to solve a decades old mystery of what and who I am, when it comes to love and emotions and romance (but not sex)…
I shouldn’t care about labels, but I still want to know if I’m alone, living emotionally snd romantically in this weird, indefinable space between asexual and lesbian…or if other women feel like I do.
Suddenly I can’t shake that if I can “solve” this I might solve 40 years of wondering why I feel the way I do about women versus men..
…If that makes sense
(To Be Continued)
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