They either don’t talk about sex, just like I don’t, they’re completely straight and don’t understand what it’s like to long for someone of their own gender or they’re too busy being married to even think about sex if they’re lucky enough to get it.
I don’t really think that what I feel is a fantasy, I’ve never really let my mind go there because of how I was raised and how even now I’m still conflicted about being gay.
I might be underwhelmingly low in my sex drive, but I am overwhelmingly drowning in my romantic side…my fantasy involves finding somebody who would understand and not judge what I am, understand what it’s like to just find beauty in the idea of holding hands of someone special.
That’s because I’ve never had sex. I don’t know what to fantasize about. I just know that my emotions feel like a fantasy.
Though I can’t stand stereotypes about the LGBTQ community one stereotype I’ve always heard, that I can't quite argue with, is that people sometimes can’t decide if they want to be with someone or of they want to be like that someone. All I know is that the women I’ve been strongly drawn to in my life, starting when I was 16, are people I would love to be like, but also be with...it's so complex and yes, I'm sorry to say, confusing.
My fantasy, given all the wreckage that lies behind it, is still rather simple: I long to be another person in another body, comfortable with both and comfortable with the idea of love and sex and not the fear of going to Hell that goes with it.
…wisps of fantasy, strong despite such flimsiness, but never fully formed because of my fears and lack of experience. Maybe X was write when said write you know, but maybe she also could have said write you feel and long for
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