I ordered The Invisible Orientation through my local library and it just arrived. This book is so much more than I thought it would be and so amazingly helpful.

It is also far more complex and delves into all kinds of areas I never thought of before.

For one thing, I would never have imagined asexual people faced so much judgement. Or that many people automatically assume asexual people have a past of sexual abuse (absolutely not true.)

some of the  misconceptions about asexuality...

What is wrong with our culture that we must sexualize so many things? That love without sex is seen as somehow problematic or "freaky," but sex without love is okay?

 

 

At the risk (okay, "risk" is probably too understated here) of over-sharing, I don't think it's exaggerating to say Julie Decker's book is a Godsend.

 

While I don't believe in pigeonholing or only feeling validated only after someone else validates you, I feel some kind of peace in knowing there is such a state as being asexual and lesbian...in that a lesbian can be romantically attracted, but not sexually, to another woman.

 

It doesn't necessarily make anything easier, but it is still nice to feel less alone. When I typed "asexual lesbian" in Google, I got tons of search results.

 

And, just as being a virgin doesn't make a person any less gay than it would a straight virgin less straight, asexual people shouldn't be denied their orientation just because they've never had sex...

For such a short length (184 pages before the "resources" sections begin), there is a lot covered and lots more to read. One of the best sites listed is this one:

http://www.asexuality.org/en/

And articles like this one are referenced:

http://gnovisjournal.org/2011/11/21/lily-hughes-journal/

For a long time, the story goes, we supported a sexual regime, and we continue to be dominated by it even today (Foucault 3). Sexuality manifests itself in discourse as desire. A constant thirst that can never be quenched, sex is simultaneously everywhere and nowhere. Whether through condemnation or glorification, sexuality protrudes into every crack and crevasse of society. It disguises itself as a secret or, even more cunningly, as a tool for resistance, designed to revolt against sublime virginity. Sex, however, is only desire—a concept that holds no more truth than God or reason. Yet, just as religion builds unseen structures to order society, so too does sexuality. Through desire, sexuality orders a world in which its imagined existence controls and contorts the behaviour of its inhabitants. What, then, is sexuality without desire? Surely such a thing could not exist. To remove desire from sex would be to remove sexuality, and sexuality cannot be removed because it refuses to be located, operating only at an invisible level. However, whether through smokescreens and mirrors or some biological hiccup, the impossible has happened....Read more at the link above. ^

 

Friday night music...

Ever since I first heard "A Little Respect" on the radio more than 25 years ago, I've loved Erasure. Their new album is really quite good. I'll let someone else say it better :)

Review by David Jeffries    (as it appears on allmusic.com):               

Following a holiday album (2013's Snow Globe) with this "return to form" album means veteran duo Erasure are now on the cliched career revival path for aging pop stars, but maybe it's just by chance. Make that "likely," as The Violet Flame gets right down to dancey, inspired business on its opening "Dead of Night," a track that pumps with the beat of any given single off the duo's great 1989 album Wild!. Classic lyrics from Andy Bell speak to the morality play that club night can be ("Too many times you're forgiven/Now you cry like you're the victim") then the chorus is like a pair of bright red cha-cha heels (a joyful stuttering of "D-d-d-dead of night") that won't be ignored. If hearing Bell in his Maleficent costume is a decadent kind of delicious, he's still an excellent Sleeping Beauty as well, as the pumping "Paradise" welcomes a new soul mate with open arms and open heart. Synth man Vince Clarke is simpatico in these back-to-the-future surroundings, as the great "Be the One" sounds like he plundered the computer and found some early sketches of Yaz's "Only You." while "Under the Wave" could be seamlessly mixed with all the minimal bleeping and blooping on Depeche Mode's debut album Speak & Spell, also known as Clarke's last hurrah with the band. The big anthem this time out is "Elevation," a cut with the simplicity of Robin S's "Show Me Love" and lyrics preaching freedom to the dancing masses ("It makes you kinda wonder, what are we supposed to do/When the fate of many, is guided by the hand of few/Who-o-oa."), then there's the closing "Stayed a Little Late Last Night" and the heart-breaking "Smoke and Mirrors," both serving the roles of a soul-filling number that sticks to the bones. With all the elements in place, the late-era The Violet Flame sits on the top shelf of Erasure albums, and considering all the greatness in the back catalog, that's no easy task.

One of the prettiest tracks off the album is called "Sacred" :


We close our eyes and fantasise

To see what dreams will come alive

Our created energy runs through

 

When we connect our consciousness

Make our love a guiding light

And I am there in every part of you

 

Never feel that you're alone

Hold on tight and I'll be strong

In spite of all the things we've done

Our love is all

 

 Sacred

 Sacred

 

 We pray for love and deeper meaning

 Holding our emotions in

 Would only keep us prisoners inside

 We let our minds and hearts release us

 Pure intention sets us free

 And there is nowhere left for us to hide

 

 Never feel that you're alone

 Hold on tight and I'll be strong

 In spite of all the things we've done

 Our love is all

 

 Sacred like a thousand stars

 Sacred when I'm in your arms

 Oh you keep me safe from harm

 Our love is all

 

 This is all we ever needed

 all we ever needed

 

 Sacred

 
Speaking of pretty music, one of the most sincere and touching songs ever recorded surely has to be "You Are So Beautiful" as performed by Joe Cocker (Billy Preston and Beach Boys' Dennis Wilson actually wrote it):

from etsy.com

"Featuring a brilliantly slowed-down arrangement courtesy of producer Jim Price, Preston's 'You Are So Beautiful' became this impossibly gorgeous exploration of love's fragility in Cocker's hands. Every crack in his voice spiders up toward another underlying doubt. In a twist, Dennis Wilson of the Beach Boys later claimed co-authorship of the song."

Read More: Top 10 Joe Cocker Songs | http://ultimateclassicrock.com/joe-cocker-songs/?trackback=tsmclip

 

                                                                

I can open jars and take care of spiders just fine, but the one thing I do mind about being single is waking up after a nightmare and not being able (or wanting) to go back to sleep because of the fear and loneliness that seems to sweep through the room. When it's really bad I reach out for one of the stuffed animals that sits on the big wicker chair next to my bed.

Since I've been doing a lot of this lately, I wondered if it's normal to hug a teddy bear so late in the game. When I typed in Google "is it normal to still sleep with a teddy bear?" I actually got lots of reassuring results.

These are just a few of the things I discovered:

*http://www.buzzfeed.com/tabathaleggett/problems-only-adults-who-still-sleep-with-their-bear-will

*Maybe teddy bears are not typically high on the list when it comes to identifying strategies that adults use in coping with life’s stressors. By the time we have reached adulthood, most of us (except perhaps me) have traded in our stuffed animals for more age-appropriate items that we have chosen to comfort us. But whatever we have chosen — and almost all of us have them — these devices serve to offer us solace in times of distress.--from Psychology Today

*This comment made me feel better on gurl.com:

I love to snuggle up after picking up my kids at school with an orange bear named Berry, a Jellycat “Black and Cream Puppy” named Spots, and a blanket I crocheted when I was 7. Back in the day, we learned to crochet at a young age. (If anyone here is as old as I am- I was born in 1966- then you know what I’m talking about!)

*Read more: http://www.gurl.com/2012/11/28/teddy-bear-snuggle-sleep-with-teddy-bears/#ixzz3Gz1o1xfp

A teddy bear (obviously) can't ever whisper words of comfort or hug back, but sometimes having something cuddly to hold on to is almost enough.

 

Jessica Lange as Elsa Mars on American Horror Story: Freak Show

Jessica Lange singing Lana Del Rey's "Gods and Monsters" is about as good as it gets right now. It's not so much that she's a good singer as that she's a mesmerizing one and if anyone else besides Lana is qualified to get the mystical moodiness of the song down it's definitely Jessica Lange as Elsa Mars.

Her normally jaded and suspicious character is so hopeful it's not too late for one more chance at being a fabulously famous entertainer she's all too ready to believe anyone who will tell her there's still time. Elsa's desperation fuels her to hire a fake fortune teller who sees "applause and a man with fierce eyes" in her future.

Each season so far, Jessica has portrayed a completely different woman and it's her superb stage presence, not her singing, that has made both songs ("Life On Mars" from the first episode of "Freak Show" and now "Gods and Monsters") unforgettable.

The actress has said this is her last year of "American Horror Story" and that she will soon be retiring. The show, which reboots each season, will need a strong presence to replace her...Anjelica Huston comes to mind. I think she'd be awesome.

Jessica Lange appears in the November issue of Elle as part of their "Women In Hollywood" issue

Books and Cash on Sunday...



from Uncut magazine...

Anonymous...as seen on Facebook

 



Johnny Cash is about as far from David Bowie as you can get. Even when he ventured into "out there" territory (covering Depeche Mode on his 2002 album, American IV, The Man Comes Around), he made his version the way only he could:

(as quoted in Mojo October 2013) "I heard that {"Personal Jesus"} as a gospel song. And if you think of it as a gospel song, it works really well. We didn't have any major disagreement over that song, I just heard that a couple of people had recorded it, the writer wanted me to try it, and I did, and I loved it. And I went for it."

Some days, music isn't just an interest or a passion, it's a necessity. To go from a sad day to one where you're glad to be alive can be due, in a large part, to music and books. Maybe it's warped to think this way, but when you sometimes find yourself unsure, even afraid, of people music and books take on lives of their own...

 

I find a calming strength in Johnny Cash's voice that I really need today.

 

from Rolling Stone:

 

Born February 26th, 1932 (died September 12th, 2003)
Key Tracks "Ring of Fire," "I Walk the Line," "Folsom Prison Blues"
Influenced Bob Dylan, Merle Haggard, Steve Earle

Johnny cash "sounds like he's at the edge of the fire," Bob Dylan wrote in Chronicles. "Johnny's voice was so big, it made the world grow small." The Man in Black's rolling, stentorian baritone is one of the defining voices in American music, from his earliest singles for Sun Records through his commercial prime in the Sixties and Seventies to his Nineties rebirth. He approached novelty songs such as "A Boy Named Sue" and "One Piece at a Time" as seriously as he did gospel music. "I'd been hearing 'Bridge Over Troubled Water' my whole life, but when I heard Johnny sing it, it dawned on me what it was about," says his collaborator Rick Rubin. "It took on a whole new resonance and meaning. He said the words in a way that you really trusted them."

Read more: http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/100-greatest-singers-of-all-time-19691231/johnny-cash-20101202#ixzz3GcP4zraA