I'm reading a book so sad and frustrating (the deliberate cruelness of one character toward his wife had me so indignant on her behalf I was shaking) I needed to take a break. So I moved from my comfy chair and went to my bookshelf, thinking Dorothy Parker would be safe, little knowing I would open the book to this:

I have always thought of her writing as witty and biting, but this seems so sad that it's not helping me break the mood.

 

Still, I just looked up information on her and had no clue she co-wrote the script for the 1937 film A Star is Born.

 

Here is a link to lots of neat sites about her:

 

http://www.dorothyparker.com/dotlinks.htm

Friday music notes...

I'm listening to Dionne Warwick's new album, featuring duets with artists such as Cyndi Lauper, Jamie Foxx, Billy Ray Cyrus (seriously!) and Ceelo Green. Many of the tracks are covers of the Hal David/Burt Bacharach songs that first made her famous in the early 60s.

Since I'm a huge Dionne Warwick fan, I may be biased here, but I think it's a very solid album, a very cozy listen on a cold day.

I adore Hal David and Burt Bacharach so I especially love the songs written by them. "Message to Michael" (with Cyndi Lauper) and "This Guy/This Girl's In Love With You" (featuring Phil Driscoll) are stand-outs, though I wish the music itself were closer to the original arrangements.

Most of the reviews have been either positive or at least pretty decent. I was lucky enough to get to see Dionne Warwick perform live with Burt Bacharach in the late 90s and will always consider it one of my favorite musical memories.

One of the reviews from the allmusic website:

Steve Leggett  [-]

Dionne Warwick's singing is a unique version of urban pop -- not jazz, although it is jazzy, and not R&B, although it has soul and sway, and not rock or blues, although her voice can ache with a weary intensity. Matched from the early '60s through the early '70s with the songwriting team of Burt Bacharach and Hal David, she produced numerous hits, including "Walk on By," "Alfie," "I Say a Little Prayer," "Do You Know the Way to San José," and "I'll Never Fall in Love Again," among others. If she isn't critically regarded as a legendary icon in quite the same league as Aretha Franklin and other contemporaries, it's really more of a style thing, perhaps because Warwick isn't really a fiery gospel shouter. Be that as it may, Warwick has sold over 150 million records through her five-decade career, and placed nearly 60 singles in the Billboard Hot 100 over that time, so she obviously knows what she's doing. This set, her 28th studio album, includes tracks variously produced by Swizz Beatz, Jack Splash, Jesse "Corporal" Wilson, and her son, Damon Elliott, whose new label, Bright Music Records, is home for this project. It's essentially a duets album that takes a look both forward and back; Warwick is paired with a wide array of guests -- Alicia Keys, Ne-Yo, Stevie Wonder, Cyndi Lauper, Gladys Knight, Jamie Foxx, CeeLo Green, Ziggy Marley, Eric Paslay, Billy Ray Cyrus, Mýa, and Warwick's granddaughter Cheyenne Elliott among them -- on revisited versions of some of her hits. Led by the lead single, a new version of "A House Is Not a Home" that features Ne-Yo (an extended version of the single is also included here), Feels So Good doesn't break new ground so much as it affirms and reaffirms Warwick's quiet stature as a steady and urbane pop singer who has never really bothered to follow the music industry's trends and fashions. She just sings elegantly, and it appears to have gotten her through the decades just fine.


Also on my player today:

I just really like the sound of Andy Gibb's voice. It's a lot like his brother Barry's, but more gentle and sweet. I forgot I have the entire Shadow Dancing album on my iTunes and after "Good Feeling" Shuffled on, I selected the entire album to play and it just fits right into the mood I'm in now.

Shadow Dancing review:

Amy Hanson  [-]

As the youngest brother of the massively popular Gibb siblings, otherwise known as the Bee Gees, it's no wonder that Andy Gibb was a superstar in his own right. An accomplished vocalist and writer, Gibb shot to the top of the charts with his 1977 debut Flowing Rivers. Shadow Dancing, released just one year later, effortlessly confirmed his ascension to the top of the pop pedestal. Working with his brothers again, Gibb wowed audiences with his easy-on-the-ears passionate pop. He was well-suited to the era. The title track, which kicked off that year's string of hits, was nothing short of pure, smoldering disco. Written by all three of the Bee Gees (who also added backing vocals to the song), it hit the top of the charts, giving Gibb his third number one single and even more maximum exposure. "An Everlasting Love" and "(Our Love) Don't Throw It All Away" quickly peeled off the LP and landed on the charts. And while many may argue that Gibb's success was received on the backs of the Bee Gees' own stellar reputation, it must be acknowledged that he was certainly not without talent. It's also true that the charting songs on Shadow Dancing all bear the mark of one or more of his brothers; however, Gibb's own material shows great, if as yet unrealized, promise. "Fool for a Night" is a bittersweet, up-tempo piece of pop, and "Melody" works as a wistful love song, while "I Go for You," smarmy as it may be in hindsight, was still better than many of its contemporaries. Laugh if you must, dismiss if you're so inclined, but no matter what anyone may argue, it cannot be disputed that Andy Gibb realized many of his aspirations across this LP and, in so doing, became a vital part of the late '70s music scene.

I read this years ago and for some reason it popped into my head today. Marion's Wall is a fun, kooky read that has that special touch only Jack Finney could provide.

While not nearly as beloved nor highly regarded as his classic Time And Again, it certainly is worth reading and makes for a very pleasant afternoon on the couch, while you're sipping a cup of tea and the rain drums gently outside your window.

Made into a movie called Maxie, the film stars Glenn Close and is quite entertaining (the delightful Ruth Gordon also stars) and definitely as zany as the book.

Bits and 'peaces'...

I'm not Buddhist, but I do enjoy reading Tricycle magazine from time to time. The Fall 2014 issue has some articles on managing anger and (yeah, a real cliché, I suppose, but a helpful one) on finding your true self. I find the latter most interesting because so many times we are trapped by our own notions (just as much as by society's) of who we are supposed to be.

 

My emotions, more than any other part of me, are what cause me to not behave the way I want to behave. I want to master them, almost to the point that I could be like Spock. It feels so incredibly weird that you can be emotionally sensitive and still not know how to be as a good person. And it is so hard to find balance, not just within yourself but in how you deal with conflict outside yourself.

 

Yesterday was hard because one person I'm friends (and known for years) wasn't being particularly nice to someone I like a lot. I'm pretty bad with conflict and absolutely horrible with hiding my reactions. Sometimes, in wanting things to be peaceful, or not to give away how I really feel, I think I turn into a coward or, worse, a lunatic.

 

The following are a few things I'm hoping will help with emotions:

 

http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Emotional-Sensitivity

 

 

 

There are many things you lose that you can never get back, but it really hurts when you lose someone else's respect (assuming you once had it.) 

It's always seemed for me that the more I want to be a good person, not just around someone special I admire tons, but in life, overall with everyone, the more mistakes I make. I think I'm a jerk more times than not, even though I believe I sincerely don't want to be...

I've been really thinking about it today and trying to find some good advice (other than having my mouth duct-taped) and these tips from a Psychcology Today article are very helpful:

1. Keep quiet for just a minute! If you don't say anything, no one will know what you're thinking. It's amazing what ugliness can emerge from a human mouth unburdened by the slightest cognitive effort. The rewards of battling your inner censor before spewing ill-conceived notions, rumors, and armchair epithets will prove immensely valuable in relationships with others.

2. When in doubt, focus on yourself. This may seem counterintuitive considering how closely related jerkness is to pathological narcissism. Yet when it comes to obsessional focus on others' flaws and imperfections, instead of looking outward like a certain fault-finding judge on American Idol, you might decide to hold up a mirror to yourself and mentally inventory where you miss the mark.

3. Let passive-aggressiveness gently waft out a bathroom window. Here jerkness is nearly silent-but-deadly with obnoxiously audible sighs accompanying a refusal to budge on any issue. As you sit on the sidelines in sadistic satisfaction of others' frustrations that take root from your pointed action (or inaction), you might ask yourself: "Why must I be such a dick?" And without hesitating, be sure to respond with this specific therapeutic retort: "Because I feel impotent." Recognition of this basic truth can become the first step in giving up infantile obstinacy and acting like a secure adult.

4. Grow a pair (of perspectives). In other words, take a telescopic view of your situation. When errant soccer balls fly through your yard, is the cost in blood pressure and heart attack risk really worth the righteous anger? They're kids for goodness sake! Maybe now might be high time to extract yourself from a default position as "selfish grump" and expand your view of the situation. Perhaps you might then recognize your good fortune that the nuisance next door represents developmentally appropriate play rather than blasts of gunfire from drive-by shootings. Kids need to play outside. They are the future. Let them be.

5. Be real. No one likes a faker. Especially a bad faker. If your jerkness far outweighs a natural inclination for acting sweetly, you won't fool anybody with that sham smile. Admit you're a jerk already and move on to point number six.

6. Ask for help. Yes, this point is pathetically clichéd, but that's what happens to useful concepts over time! While essential that the jerk in question come to greater levels of understanding of himself by himself, there's nothing like a few frank words from a trusted friend to pierce self-deception like a fork into the vinyl flesh of an inflatable doll. Ask your level-headed buddy how he or she would _________ [handle it, take care of it, respond to it, phrase it, ... ] and then try out the most realistic suggestions on for size.

7. Conjure your role models. By this I mean to summon the image, mentally, of those whose words or actions you may be unintentionally adopting as your own. Perhaps after a quick examination you find you sound just like your "ditto head" cousin who parrots any hateful pabulum he hears on the radio. Like so called "day residue" appearing in dreams, you may find that personal experiences-stretching from an unwashed childhood to yesterday's heinous staff meeting--leave behind lees as from a cup of loose tea. Today, instead of brewing bitterness, you might choose instead to pro-actively wash your kettle-in other words, center yourself and refresh your mind with the possibility of a new day and a fresh, open attitude.

8. Figure out what makes you feel good. It doesn't take a Joseph Campbell, a clinical psychologist, or a screening of the film Shortbus to realize that you hold the key to your own bliss. Frustration, disappointment and dissatisfaction are but morsels of food specifically formulated to cultivate jerkness. Turn this on its head by paying closer attention to what ideas, activities, and successes-including minor ones--engender good feelings in yourself. When you walk around with a glow, the jerk inside will wither and die like a blood-starved vampire at midday.

9. Have a little humility. Even when you score in some way-at work, at school, at home, at the club-others will appreciate your enthusiasm more when it is paired with some measure of class. Even winners can be jerks and especially so when they use a particular success to blanket over other shortcomings. What you just accomplished may be great (e.g. winning a local spelling bee for adults) but begins to lose its charm over others when you sling what amounts to the hurtful letters of schadenfreude in all directions.

10. Share something! Finally, I would entreat you to give something to someone (something other than genital warts or a splitting headache). You can quickly reverse an acute bout of jerkdom by earnestly giving a treat, a thoughtful word, or a moment of your time to someone you know would be receptive to such a gift from you. Heartfelt action when practiced regularly has a way of crowding out opportunities for jerk-behavior. And should the time come that a stray comment comes out of your mouth-something only a real jerk would utter-you may be more easily forgiven for a momentary lapse of good sense because of how anomalous such behavior has become.

Another thing I wish I did more is speak up when someone else is being maligned. In the past, fear that  As much as I think I need to shut my mouth, there are definitely times when a person should not remain silent. This, from Inc. magazine, is good whether it's related to gossip or other serious issues:
  
Silence is deemed approval. You may think that staying silent keeps you from being involved in any conflict, but quite the opposite. Silence is as much an active form of communication as talking. Anytime you are involved in a situation, people are aware of all the input and lack of it. If you disapprove and don't say anything it will not make you seem easy going. If the problem persists and you did nothing people may consider it as enabling and think the issue is as much your fault as the person who actually caused the problem. You may destroy trust and create resentment. People rarely thank you for withholding information down the line.