I am not sure why I am stunned (pleasantly) that the Supreme Court ruled in favor of Marriage Equality, but I am. The news is just so wonderful and I am so happy for all the gay and lesbian couples in the United States who can now get married.

 

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The older I get, the more I grapple with all the things wrong with me that would make me an impossible candidate for a mutually loving relationship, the more I accept my eternal "spinsterhood" and make peace with it. This slowly won, but fairly easygoing acceptance, however, does not change my views or deep belief that love is out there for other people and that all couples in love do deserve (very much) to be together, legally, spiritually AND safely. It breaks my heart that whether two people in love (who just happen to be of the same gender) deserve to get married is even still an issue in this day and age, but it is...still an issue. This is an excellent op-ed piece from last Sunday. Below follow some of the best parts, but you can read the whole article here:

 http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/21/opinion/sunday/frank-bruni-gay-marriages-moment.html?_r=0


Nothing about it feels quick if you’re among or you know gay and lesbian Americans who, in a swelling tide, summoned the grit and honed the words to tell family members, friends and co-workers the truth of our lives. Our candor came from more than personal need. It reflected our yearning for a world beyond silence and fear, and we knew that the only way to get there was through these small, aggregate acts of courage.


Same-sex marriage isn’t some overnight cause, some progressive novelty, especially not when it’s put in its proper context, as part of a struggle for gay rights that has been plenty long, patient and painful.




But it’s not so dizzying or difficult to comprehend when you think about the simple logic behind same-sex marriage: You can’t relegate the commitments and loves of an entire group of Americans to a different category, marked by a little pink asterisk, without saying that we ourselves don’t measure up. You can’t tell us that you consider us equal and then put perhaps the central, most important relationship in our lives in an unequal box. It’s a non sequitur and a nonstarter.

There have been ruined careers, scuttled adoptions, sanitized obituaries. There have been millions of same-sex couples who were married in the eyes of each other, of everyone around them and of any truly righteous god, and they waited and waited for the government to catch up.

Ask Jim Obergefell. His is one of the cases that the Supreme Court is about to decide. He sued Ohio to have his name added as a surviving spouse on the death certificate of his husband, who died in 2013. It wasn’t just a few years before then that they began making their life together. It was two decades earlier.

Ask Edie Windsor. Her protest of the estate taxes that she was ordered to pay — but that a widow with a dead husband instead of a dead wife would have been spared — prompted the Supreme Court to gut DOMA two years ago.

She was married in Canada in 2007. When her wife first proposed to her, she gave Windsor a brooch instead of a ring, so that the diamond didn’t prompt questions from co-workers.

That was in 1967: nearly half a century ago. So don’t tell her that the idea of same-sex marriage needs more time to ripen.

The below article really is helpful. I found so many results when I typed in "fear of reaching out," but this is one of the best I read. I tend to shy away from letting people know how I feel because I don't want to make them uncomfortable and I am (I imagine like a lot of people) afraid of being rejected.


"The fear of rejection is one of our deepest human fears. Biologically wired with a longing to belong, we fear being seen in a critical way. We’re anxious about the prospect of being cut off, demeaned, or isolated. We fear being alone. We dread change."

You can read more here:

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/17/deconstructing-the-fear-of-rejection-what-are-we-really-afraid-of/

This is another example of taking peace (and happiness, especially in relation to "book happiness," which is a self-contained happiness that is far less likely to disappear than other kinds!) wherever I can find it. I am so glad to see L.T. Smith has a new release. It seems like it has been forever since her last one! I love the cover and I love that I can count on this being a really nice and wonderful read because I have yet to be disappointed by this wonderful writer. This is next on my TBR pile as soon as I finish reading for my job :)

As I have continued to struggle with my insomnia and face that things are changing in my personal life, I will take any peace I can find whenever and wherever I can find it. I was believing the wrong things, which has lead to my unhappiness, and I was looking to happiness outside of myself and it really is true (I truly believe this) that you really cannot be happy when you care too much about what other people think and when your happiness comes from another person. As some of the things I have not wanted to believe are true really are true and this sinks in I took solace in the weirdest places, like in my "Fringe" dvds and sad songs and in how somehow Mary McDowell's voice is so darn soothing and it makes things seem like they are going to be better. I know how silly that must sound, but just as I love the "Fringe" cast, I find "Major Crimes" to also have one of the best ensembles ever in a tv show. Everyone on the show has something to contribute and though my insomnia continues to be a bear, it is nice to have "Major Crimes" to keep me company.

from cafepress.com

I gave up coffee back in April, but this is what insomnia feels like to me.