Induratize is a word that is new to me. I don't want to do the below, I don't even know if I could even if I did want to (hearts aren't very good at listening to reason or even to experience) but sometimes I sure wish I could. It would make for a lot less pain and confusion. The pain of trying to harden one's heart aside, it is always useful and kind of nice to learn a new word. :)

Besides taking on some new vocabulary, I also would not mind learning a little bit more about becoming maybe just a tad more emotionally in control:

http://www.wikihow.com/Make-Yourself-Emotionally-Numb

I really do think there is a definite cut-off time for taking another sleeping pill when the first one does not work. It is definitely before three a.m. Yikes...the grogginess and inability to function in the morning is just horrible when you take something too late into the night or morning. Another thing I have noticed is that melatonin can and cannot work sometimes. 

This is pretty helpful in relating the good and bad and the myths about melatonin:


http://www.talkaboutsleep.com/how-to-use-melatonin-correctly/

I find dreams both wonderful and horrifying, and sometime both at the same time. I have been having intense dreams since I was a little girl and even during my most intense bouts of insomnia there are still periods where I do sleep long enough to have a dream. 

The funny thing about dreams is that you can be devastated by the good ones as much as the bad ones and the more real and vivid they feel, the worse the damage. This morning I woke up from a dream I have had a few times before, but this time it felt so convincing the hug I experienced was still surrounding me when I woke up. 

Though I always wanted children, it never came to be for me, which I have accepted, but apparently my dreams have not. This most recent dream really messed with my emotions. And the little girl in it (who I do not recall ever meeting in real life, but was just so present it was uncanny) hugged me and called me her mother. It was, in its entirety, actually a lovely dream and not the first time I have had it, but it was the first time we got to hug and the first time I 'found' her after searching everywhere.

It really, really blows my mind the power dreams can have over us...the beautiful ones, the terrifying ones and the ones that are actually based on memory and perhaps the worst of all. It also blows my mind that more people do not talk about their dreams or at least not marvel at them more internally. I started keeping a dream journal years ago and then stopped earlier this year to see if I could "unrecall" my dreams and therefore not wake up scared sometimes. That did not work at all so I decided to go back to recording my dreams and focusing more on trying to change the outcome of them with lucid dreaming. 

Lucid dreaming does not always work (actually, it is rare that it does, for me at least) but when it does work it is truly awesome.

Here are a few links to more information about dream:
  

https://www.google.com/#q=how+to+improve+your+dream+recall

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/what-processes-in-the-brain-allow-you-to-remember-dreams/

I find this really intriguing since I still feel we can dream about people we have never met (or even seen) in real life. The facts seem to state otherwise (apparently the brain cannot make up faces) but I find reading about dreams to be almost as interesting as having the dreams themselves:

 http://www.world-of-lucid-dreaming.com/ask-the-experts-1-invention.html

a very beautiful and sweet cover that I am hoping the story will live up to

An incredibly sincere and often sweet read, _Once_ is definitely good and definitely worth reading, but L.T. Smith's _See Right Through Me_ remains my absolute favorite of hers. Lovable and very endearing and adorable Dudley (a dog who will just melt your soul) is my favorite character in this touching book whose cover truly matches its spirit and heart.

Normally, I love that almost all of L.T. Smith's novels share a common theme in how insecure two people can be about each other's feelings when they are first getting to know each other. I really, really get self doubt so it would seem perfectly natural to me that two people could actually like each other and yet have no clue about it or any confidence in their own appeal. This motif in Ms. Smith's fiction is a big reason why I love her books so much.

But with Once I became physically exhausted by it all, at times. It's not the writer's fault at all...if anything, this time around she's captured the pain of self doubt better than ever before, along with an underlying darkness and deep sadness to both women's relationship histories. I also found myself very, very troubled by an early scene in the novel where the main character punches her ex very, very hard in the face. It made painfully lovely passages lose some of their power because Beth really is not all that likable at times: "It wasn’t that I didn’t believe that Amy was the person I wanted to be with; it was more a case of not being able to trust that anyone would want to be with me. Like Groucho Marx said, he didn’t want to be a member of any club that would accept him as a member."

Perhaps I am being a bit overly sensitive to this part and the main character does believe her ex has been abusing her dog when she punches her. The thing is she does not for sure her ex hurt her dog and when she realizes later she did not there is no real remorse on her and that just disturbs me so very much.

...because music makes everything better

I always do this...install the newest Apple iOS update before all the bugs are fixed. The most recent one, the iOS 8.4, really caught my eye because it allows the brand new Apple Music to be installed and I have been curious about Apple's music streaming music service since I heard about it earlier this week. Lord knows there are problems with it (thank you very much, iTunes, for messing with my music library and for taking away the simply joy of shuffle) but I do like some parts and how can you complain about a service that instantly sets you up with John Hughes soundtracks?

For a rather helpful FAQ online guide to all that is related to Apple Music go here:

http://www.imore.com/apple-music-faq

finding the 7 minute and 26 seconds version of "Nights in White Satin"...priceless! :)

On my player right now is "Every Note" by Mystery Skulls. This review by Matt Collar captures the album very well:

The debut full-length album from Los Angeles' Mystery Skulls, 2014's Forever, showcases the group's infectious, '80s-influenced disco, R&B, and dance-oriented soul. Primarily centered around the talents of lead singer, songwriter, and musical mastermind Luis Dubuc, Mystery Skulls make pulsing, laser-toned R&B that touches upon vintage '70s and '80s club music as much as it does contemporary R&B, techno, and EDM. In that sense, cuts like "The Future," "Fantasy," and "Forever" fit just as nicely alongside cuts by Daft Punk and Grum as they do tracks from such similarly inclined artists as Sam Sparro and Justin Timberlake. What helps set Mystery Skulls apart from the rest of the electro-R&B pack is Dubuc's lithe vocal abilities. Blessed with soulful phrasing, a burnished middle vocal range, and a knack for ascending into a lusty falsetto croon, Dubuc comes across as less the pulsating center of a robotic hive mind, à la Daft Punk, and more like an improbable cross between Fall Out Boy's Patrick Stump and '90s R&B prodigal son D'Angelo. It also doesn't hurt the album, or Dubuc's cred for that matter, that he's joined here on "Magic" and "Number 1" by both Chic guitar legend Nile Rodgers and '90s soul diva Brandy. Musically, while most of the songs on Forever are set to deep programmed grooves and heavy synth basslines, Dubuc nonetheless strikes an even balance between his use of synthesizer (his main instrument), real piano, drums, and orchestral strings. Ultimately, it's this sophisticated balance that helps Forever sound both organic and computerized, warmly familiar, and utterly fresh.