A few months back I first heard the term "skin hunger" and it blew my mind. The older I get, the more I feel like there are very few things more wonderful than a good hug from someone you care about. I think genuine and loving physical affection (hand holding, kisses on the cheek, hugs) is so underrated and even misunderstood and somehow considered less "sexy" and vital than sex and that simple, basic platonic but deeply affectionate touch is far more important and special than we are sometimes willing to admit.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/affectionado/201308/what-lack-affection-can-do-you
for more on skin hunger read here
Welcome to my little corner...All over the map with thoughts, I'm just here to blog about different things: life, music, stuffed animals, restaurants, shops, dreams, film, books, magazines, short stories, food, the sometimes silly, drink, feelings, love and tons more...
Monday, August 24, 2015
Despite knowing there is no point to it, I cannot stop thinking about a homophobic comment I heard someone say earlier today. I moved on because there really is no point in saying anything nor is a confrontation a good idea, at least under the circumstances at the time. Even so, I think of all the things I wish I could say to this person, wondering if the words would even make a difference. I am emphasizing lesbians as I go on because my co-worker specifically mentioned gay women and because I am a lesbian and that is probably partly why I am so upset, though I would like to think I would be just as offended as a straight person.
If I thought they would, though, my first question would be: do you know there are many lesbians, even in this day and age, who seriously think about killing themselves and only do not do so because suicide (in many people's eyes) is a bigger sin than being gay is?
Or: do you understand, I mean really understand, that all most lesbians want is to be able to safely and legally marry the person they want to grow old with? Maybe not with U-Haul speed, but definitely with the most sincere and heartfelt of longing.
Do you know, can you actually even grasp, that there are lesbians, both teen and adult, who have never been intimate with someone 'that way' and who truly just long for love and simple human contact? That hugging and simple hand holding is just as romantic and much more hungered for than sex? Sex without love, after all, is absolutely meaningless. And you do not have to have ever had sex to know this. You could say you can't miss what you've never had, but I do not think that is necessarily so. Everyone, straight or gay, wonders at some point what sex is like. That does not mean they give in to their curiosities or have a fling with the first available person. Most romantics, especially die-hard ones, could not even imagine getting into bed with someone they did not love nor with someone who did not love them back.
Thinking about what I heard today (I cannot even comfortably repeat it here, though this person also once said "I wonder which one is the man in the relationship?") makes me wonder where their hatred (and there is no way their views are not hateful) comes from and why they continue to let it fester. Yes, there are lesbians who unfortunately support the stereotypes. I have met them and wondered just as homophobes might, what is wrong with someone who only wants to have sex and nothing else? But I have read and known of loving, deeply committed lesbian couples, together for decades, whose only crime ever was mutually falling in love. For those of us who are single lesbians our only crime is wanting to fall in love with someone who could possibly love us back. That "that someone" just happens to be another woman should not be the big issue it still is for so many people :(
If I thought they would, though, my first question would be: do you know there are many lesbians, even in this day and age, who seriously think about killing themselves and only do not do so because suicide (in many people's eyes) is a bigger sin than being gay is?
Or: do you understand, I mean really understand, that all most lesbians want is to be able to safely and legally marry the person they want to grow old with? Maybe not with U-Haul speed, but definitely with the most sincere and heartfelt of longing.
Do you know, can you actually even grasp, that there are lesbians, both teen and adult, who have never been intimate with someone 'that way' and who truly just long for love and simple human contact? That hugging and simple hand holding is just as romantic and much more hungered for than sex? Sex without love, after all, is absolutely meaningless. And you do not have to have ever had sex to know this. You could say you can't miss what you've never had, but I do not think that is necessarily so. Everyone, straight or gay, wonders at some point what sex is like. That does not mean they give in to their curiosities or have a fling with the first available person. Most romantics, especially die-hard ones, could not even imagine getting into bed with someone they did not love nor with someone who did not love them back.
Thinking about what I heard today (I cannot even comfortably repeat it here, though this person also once said "I wonder which one is the man in the relationship?") makes me wonder where their hatred (and there is no way their views are not hateful) comes from and why they continue to let it fester. Yes, there are lesbians who unfortunately support the stereotypes. I have met them and wondered just as homophobes might, what is wrong with someone who only wants to have sex and nothing else? But I have read and known of loving, deeply committed lesbian couples, together for decades, whose only crime ever was mutually falling in love. For those of us who are single lesbians our only crime is wanting to fall in love with someone who could possibly love us back. That "that someone" just happens to be another woman should not be the big issue it still is for so many people :(
other people's happiness :)
It is a rainy night and I am headachy and even a bit weepy so looking for something good outside of myself is really important right now. Inside my journal I often tuck newspaper clippings that make me feel better...like columns from local papers about animals from local shelters finding new homes or human interest stories that can restore your faith in strangers and the people who live in your community. Below is a section I clipped a while back from The New York Times "Vows" section and it still makes me smile and sigh...I love the photo, especially, for so many reasons, but mostly because the two women in it are so happy and it captures exactly what I had always hoped to find someday.
Saturday, August 22, 2015
balmy summer evenings and the Moody Blues...
a nice summer evening breeze and the best song to settle unsettling things...boy, is this song (the full version, complete with poem) heart-stoppingly gorgeous:
In their "heart" section, specifically designed for what your music tastes are and what kind of music you like best, Apple Music has really been highlighting the albums I want to hear lately and I like that so much :)
Stevie Nicks calms me down. I do not know exactly what it is about her voice that does it (the raspiness, the world weary sounds, the raw honesty?), it just does. I have taken medication before for my anxiety and it has never worked right...sometimes even making it worse. As far back as I can remember, music is the only thing that has ever really worked on my nerves, so when that does not work, I feel so at a loss I barely know what to do.
I saw this on Whisper and I thought, "Wow! I am not the only one."
The singer appeared as #98 on Rolling Stone's list of top 100 and this is what was written about her:
Sheryl Crow calls Stevie Nicks' voice a "combination of sheer vulnerability and power," and Courtney Love swoons over "that ridiculous beautiful tone." Nicks' strong, deceptively versatile voice — by turns husky, warm, velvety and childlike — has provided the color and texture for songs ranging from smooth and mysterious Fleetwood Mac hits such as "Rhiannon" and "Dreams" to solo rockers like "Stand Back." "She's so tiny, and this big, deep voice comes rattling out, and I think that's very sexy," said Debbie Harry of Blondie. Nicks has influenced and mentored a wide generation of younger female singers, from the country of the Dixie Chicks to the sweet pop of Vanessa Carlton. "Her voice soothes me," says Love, "gives me something to aspire to and leaves me feeling courageous."
Stevie Nicks calms me down. I do not know exactly what it is about her voice that does it (the raspiness, the world weary sounds, the raw honesty?), it just does. I have taken medication before for my anxiety and it has never worked right...sometimes even making it worse. As far back as I can remember, music is the only thing that has ever really worked on my nerves, so when that does not work, I feel so at a loss I barely know what to do.
I saw this on Whisper and I thought, "Wow! I am not the only one."
The singer appeared as #98 on Rolling Stone's list of top 100 and this is what was written about her:
Sheryl Crow calls Stevie Nicks' voice a "combination of sheer vulnerability and power," and Courtney Love swoons over "that ridiculous beautiful tone." Nicks' strong, deceptively versatile voice — by turns husky, warm, velvety and childlike — has provided the color and texture for songs ranging from smooth and mysterious Fleetwood Mac hits such as "Rhiannon" and "Dreams" to solo rockers like "Stand Back." "She's so tiny, and this big, deep voice comes rattling out, and I think that's very sexy," said Debbie Harry of Blondie. Nicks has influenced and mentored a wide generation of younger female singers, from the country of the Dixie Chicks to the sweet pop of Vanessa Carlton. "Her voice soothes me," says Love, "gives me something to aspire to and leaves me feeling courageous."
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