music, books, love and kindness

There's nothing especially remarkable about this book except for two things: that the narrator, Helene, is genuinely likeable and that it (uncomfortably and unfortunately) is easier than you would think to really like someone who is aloof and only likes you on her own terms (if she likes you at all.)

If I hadn't personally known what it's like to be attracted to emotionally distant women who are (when you get down to the nitty gritty of it) not worth one second of your suffering over them I might have been more irritated by The Illusionist.

Tamara, the older woman our narrator is hopelessly (and I do mean hopelessly) fascinated and possibly in love with, is a few shades shy of psychotic. She has never quite gotten over her affair with a woman named Emily so she takes out most everything that makes her miserable on other people, especially Helene.

Like anyone else who understands that indifference, not hate, is the complete opposite of love, Helene appreciates it more when Tamara treats her badly. Rather than think the older woman just doesn't care, Helene decides she is hurtful so she can "reduce her to despair." Malice is far preferable to nothing.

Tamara is so unpredictable that Helene never knows which version of her she is going to encounter each day: "I wondered if she would have the closed look of her bad days, or the charming look of melancholy which sometimes clouded her eyes, or a smile that I had never seen, but which would be my revenge if I could glimpse it for a moment, that shameless smile of a woman..."

Later on, an understanding and surprisingly sympathetic outsider advises Helene: "Listen, there are people who are in love, miserable and worthy of pity...say what you will, there's nothing very loving and gentle about her." 

Sometimes you need an outsider (or maybe a book that speaks to you) to remind you that not everyone is worth falling in love with, no matter how oddly appealing she may be. Easier to listen to than follow, but this kind of advice (so starkly laid out here and with Tamara as such a good example of what not to like) can stand out when you distance yourself a bit from it all.

On a side note: different covers for the same book can be so intriguing, especially when used from different eras. The top picture covers the spirit of the book far better than the older one which only seems to focus on the forbidden nature of it all and how the subject was seen at the time the book was first published. And another stark difference is that Tamara never once (that I can recall) looks so openly at Helene. Helene could only dream of being looked at that way.