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(picture source: Lichaamstaal .com )

I read recently (though no one needs a book to tell them this) that someone's body language and the look in their eyes are always (always!) a better measure of how they feel and what they think than their actual words are.

Frankly, as long as they're somewhat civil about it, people might be better off being a tad more blunt with their thoughts and emotions. In the end, it could spare others the pain and confusion that come with receiving mixed messages.

Because, really, if a person doesn't like me, I'd rather they politely just move on...they might not even realize that how they truly feel shows forth in their so-fast-it-almost-didn't-happen "You're an idiot, but I have to be here with you, so I'll be nice" glances. To be hated is almost preferable to being tolerated or, worse, patronized.

As Chely Wright writes in Like Me: Confessions of a Heartland Country Singer :

“I hear the word "tolerance" -- that some people are trying to teach people to be tolerant of gays. I'm not satisfied with that word. I am gay, and I am not seeking to be "tolerated." One tolerates a toothache, rush-hour traffic, an annoying neighbor with a cluttered yard. I am not a negative to be tolerated.”

She is referring to a specific example, but you don't have to be gay to feel that some people in your life just tolerate you.

Maybe others' iciness or "oh Lord, not again!" attitudes comes from all that suppression and good manners most of us have lived with our adult lives. Maybe it comes from their admirable (but unnecessary in this instance) drive to follow the principles that define their personal, professional and spiritual lives.

All I know for sure is that having someone say something nice to you only to find when you look up later they're giving you a dirty look is very unnerving.