music, books, love and kindness

I've been keeping a dream journal for a long time now, but I stopped a few weeks ago to see if I could un-train myself to remember my dreams. I figured since I taught myself how to improve dream recall and even have lucid dreams I could do the reverse. I was desperate, not because of the nightmares I was having, but because of the occasional beautiful ones where someone I liked liked me back. 

Those  were the tormenting dreams, not the nightmares, because besides how awfully disappointing it is to wake up from a lovely dream, I also feel terribly guilty. Maybe I can't help what dreams I have and how real the falsehoods feel, but I certainly can make myself not remember them if I try hard enough.

I think perhaps because I'm not remembering my dreams as much anymore, I am sleeping somewhat better and my daily life is receiving the benefit. I am not over my crush yet, but I think I'm reacting better and I have reached this point in my life where I am neither ecstatic nor despondent...I'm just kind of there.