music, books, love and kindness

A long time ago I used to be a huge stress eater. I would eat not just because I was hungry, but because it helped me forget things. Sometimes it was more like a zombie would eat than a human would. Other times it was not numbness I sought but extreme pleasure.

I tried everything, but it wasn't until I got Invisalign braces that my eating became more structured and I found myself breaking bad habits and losing weight. Plus, I found music to be a much better, healthier pain killer than food and, also, though I'm still working at it, meditation.

The one thing, though, I never thought (as "duh" obvious as it may be) is that food would be a substitute for desire.

I don't like the word "desire" (it makes me so uncomfortable) and I definitely don't like books without indexes (this one doesn't have one), but still I can't help but find Alexandra Jamieson's Women, Food and Desire both compelling and helpful.

While there is some rather self-evident stuff here ("it's time to start eating right"...yes, of course it is!) there's also some painfully familiar, but often not said enough stuff as well:

"The intense pressure we're under to be perceived as desirable, in an objectified way, has us either starving ourselves so we don't have to feel how lonely or sexually unfulfilled we may be...When sex becomes too dangerous for us to fully enjoy, food becomes our version of safe sex."

 

As well as the following:

 

I think "the peeling of the feminine onion" expression needs to go, but I do like the message here.

 

 

And other parts:

 

"What all of us need to really embrace is that sex isn't about what your body looks like...it's about what it feels."

 

"Most women who overeat do so to find some kind of emotional solace that aren't getting from themselves or other people."

 

"...and being accountable scares us. And no wonder, because if we become accountable, we run the risk of becoming seen and successful, and if we become successful...no one will like or love us. Or that's how some version of that thinking goes, but it's time for us to reject this kind of chatter as the toxic nonsense that it is."

 

Of the three aspects Ms. Jamieson stresses most throughout her book: off-kilter family relationships (who hasn't experienced those?), body alienation (whether we eat to lose ourselves in our own bodies or we don't eat as a way to try and disappear) and sexual pleasure (so many women sublimate food), the first two are the reasons this book is so helpful for me...

 

Here's what Kirkus Reviews has to say, exactly as it appears on their website:

 

Holistic health counselor and co-star of the award-winning documentary Super Size Me, Jamieson (Vegan Cooking for Dummies, 2010, etc.) tackles the age-old question of what women really want.

 

The author explains food cravings with the intent of helping women understand and overcome their private relationships with food. “It’s human nature, after all,” she writes, “to yearn, to long, to want, to desire.” Jamieson deconstructs how a habit such as stashing a “secret” chocolate croissant in an office desk drawer often becomes part of an unconscious daily routine. She explores the brain/body connection, identifying helpful techniques such as yoga, Pilates, conscious breathing and visualization that can help women better relate to their bodies and help calm their minds. The author also advocates for the practice of detoxing as a route to spiritual enlightenment, as well as a means for healing. “All of this may sound a little bit woo-woo and corny,” she writes, “but it’s not.” Jamieson dips into the science of neurogastroenterology, describing how “trusting your gut” by maintaining a healthy microbiome is a crucial aspect of overall health, and she discusses the importance of healthy sleep patterns and the joys of napping. Jamieson’s additional health prescriptions include less time spent sitting, avoiding artificial light when possible and getting more sunshine. The author advises a change of mindset; rather than thinking that you have to exercise, let loose and play like when you were a child. Jamieson weaves her personal reflections together with case studies of clients working on such issues as eliminating unhealthy foods from their diets, off-kilter family relationships, body alienation and sexual pleasure. The author includes links to her website offering helpful tips, interviews and quizzes on a variety of topics, including meditation, detox strategies and recipes for healthful smoothies.

Worth a look for those who enjoy self-help books focused on healthy lifestyles.