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| emotional Kryptonite |
Good days aren't so hard, obviously. But on a bad day I need to remember *this* and, maybe, it might be of use to you as well. I especially like "don't react right away;" that is my most difficult emotional challenge.
Being more decisive and in control of my feelings may sometimes be too much to achieve every day, but I know one thing I can definitely stop doing and that's waiting for (or believing in) things that will never ever happen.
Waiting is something I've done much of my life and it's time to stop. You don't wait for life to happen. You make it happen.
While I'm incapable of being loved romantically (I think it's fact and not self-pity, if you've read your mid-40s and can say this without flinching), I'm not immune to falling in love. I try not to, but it happens; the heart's funny that way, it rarely listens to the rest of you.
I don't mind so much that I'm single except I do kind of tie self-worth and love together, whether that's right or wrong, and I feel like I'm just taking up space if I don't serve a purpose beyond existing.
They say self-love comes before loving others but I feel like the opposite is true. How can you love yourself if you don't see your own value to others?
No matter what, though, whether I figure out the self-love thing or not, whether I understand the space I take up or not, I don’t wait, I seek...not true love or marriage or a family of my own. Those dreams are just that...dreams. Knowledge and inner peace, though, those are not so unattainable.
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