music, books, love and kindness

I went out with a good friend last night and felt pretty nice for a while, forgetting almost everything, even a fight with my mother. My friend is like a sister, closer to me than my own biological sister and I almost felt like my old self. We went to see the 30th anniversary screening of The Breakfast Club.

I had forgotten had sad and sincere the movie is, how true to life it is and I left feeling kind of down because I am so much more like the teen I was then the adult I should be now. Physically and emotionally I worry I haven't changed much and the scares me very very much. If anything, I am more emotional now than I was then.

I just want to get over this, that is all. I have turned into someone I don't like. I have never ever been a very eloquent person, even at my best, but these past few months I can barely talk at all without rambling or just completely trailing off into nothingness.

I've had crushes before, but nothing like this. And, except for high school, I've never messed up things with the person I liked before.

I think (generally) in life, if you're lucky, you might get a second chance to make a fresh start with someone. But you rarely get a third chance. And so...if you really muck things up, you're left in a very awkward place, even more awkward if you're in a situation where you have to see this person a rather frequent basis.

I'm not a mind reader, but you don't have to be a mind reader to know when someone has lost their patience with you. It doesn't matter how different you are inside from how you are on the out; people usually can't see who you really are, unless they know you incredibly well.

I consider myself very lucky to have my good friend with whom I went to the movies last night. I relax around her like I do no one else except my niece and like I did with my grandmother before she passed away. Tomorrow, my friend and I are going to a pet expo and I'm hoping between her great company and all those animals, it will be a nice day.