music, books, love and kindness

I have been thinking about solitude again and how to live with yourself when you're not sure you particularly like your own company and the things that normally take you outside of yourself are just not just holding your attention like they used to. 

This article, even more than the Post one on grace, really resonates with me today. It is so painfully true it hurts to read. Some parts just jumped right out and hit really hard:


--I want to like myself. I want to love myself. I want to be happy with my life. What I'm learning is that I'm uncomfortable in my own skin. That seems crazy to me, but it's the truth. At 42 I'm uncomfortable in the skin of a gay man. I think that has everything to do with my feelings of unworthiness and undesirability. I just don't like myself. I'm looking for outside "liking" in order to feel good about me. That's never going to cut it. I have to be proud of me: my life, my accomplishments, my choices.

The article concludes with this:

--I wish we could bottle up that time in childhood when we feared nothing and were game to try anything. Imagine being able to uncork that bottle and take a small whiff, remembering how it felt to be fearless, to not care what other people think, to know we are loved, worthy, cared for, desired.

Go ahead. Imagine that bottle. Uncork it. Breathe deeply. Find it. Find the courage. Find the confidence. I'm talking to myself here. Breathe deeply. They're there. Breathe deeply, Michael. Now live.

The rest can be read here:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/michael-rohrer/how-do-you-find-self-worth-when-you-dont-like-yourself_b_3658485.html