The double-edged sword of knowing you are not loved and knowing you have waited so long you would not how to love, even if you finally did ever find her. An unexpected song plays on the radio and it might as well have punched you in the stomach, it hits you so hard.
The tears in your eyes are falling so fast and hard you have to pull over and you wonder how it has gotten so bad that the slightest little thing...a favorite song coming on, something forgotten at the grocery store, your phone left at home...can leave you undone.
You can feel so sad about how things have turned out in your life (and also mad when you realize a lot of it is your own fault) and how you strongly suspect you have met the person you could really, truly love but they do not feel the same, could never feel the same, and so you look for anything to help ease the pain and you see this and you think maybe you should not be beating yourself up for feelings you know you should not have:
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