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I have made SO many mistakes in my life, some of them worse, but none of them more painful than my not being able to let go of my feelings for a woman in whose world I have no meaning at all, not even the smallest of ones. I pray every day and still they stay.

One top of this and yet not really related because it is a different kind of pain and something I can manage better, no matter how frustrating and hurtful it is is a vent that may seem like something little, but is something big to those of who continue to be misunderstood by friends and family and even,in general, society...

I am tired of words like 'sexual minority' and 'sexual preference/orientation'...so sick and disheartened. I am a lesbian, yes, but I am also a virgin and I do not truly know what sex is. I do not consider myself a very sexual person, I am certainly not sexy or sensual in any kind of way nor am I considered that way by anyone else.

Until our society, both liberal and conservative, stop thinking of gays and lesbians in almost exclusively sexual terms there will never truly be any freedom from homophobia. I cannot not be a lesbian, if that makes sense, but I can not be sexual. I never have been and considering no one has ever seen me that way and I know nothing about (personally as opposed to reading about it) sex I most likely never will be. 

When it comes to gay people and statements (often said, I would like to think, with well-meaning intentions) like "I don't care what two people do in their bedroom") we still have a long to go in seeing gay people first as people who love other people. Sex, for many of us who are gay or lesbian, is secondary or most likely even further down the list of who we are.