Things that never happened...

I think I love music almost more than I've ever loved any human (almost). At its very very best, music can make us think of all the wonderful things the world has to offer and it can gently plop our souls in places our bodies may never find while living here on Earth.

One of those things, for me at least, is love, specifically: romantic love.

I'm pretty sure I've never been in love before, at least not with someone who loved me back. I used to smile when well-meaning people (saying it based on nothing more than my single status, thinking it would be encouraging and kind) would exclaim: 'Your day will come.'

Maybe I even believed them at one time, mostly because I wanted to, with that silly part of me who watched way more than her share of romantic comedies and because music, while an incredibly sincere and touching art form, is quite capable of making you believe things that just aren't true. I still smile, but I no longer believe, not in any way that counts.

The older you get, the more experience and reality show you otherwise, you can feel a bit at odds with yourself when what you want and what you actually have are two different things and you realize your life plan is way, way off track.

I love cooking and will do it for just me, if for no other reason than it's healthier than going take-out or the frozen way. But I always wanted to find someone with whom to grow old and dote on in all the ways you do for someone you love. Even before I could have ever dreamed I'd live in a world where gay marriage was more than a fantasy I knew I would be willing to overcome whatever it took to find Miss Right.

Bad dates, scary dates, could-have-been-wild-dates I wanted no part of have made me start to think that being old-fashioned and gay is not very popular in the lesbian community. If it isn't, if I never find someone, I know I'll be okay...because of other things that can fill your soul like love can and give everyday things beautiful color: friends, books and music.





Just a picture of an incredibly fun group to listen to, especially on days you need a pick-me-up from the big bad world outside :)

And their video for "Safe and Sound" is even more fun and, well, just really nice and safe to watch, too!:

video for "Safe and Sound"

Chills, and that feeling you get when you hear a new song you just know is going to become one of your favorites, are running through me as I listen to Coldplay's new song "Magic." It's the kind of track that makes you feel like you're outside of your body, like all you have is your soul and nothing else to tie you down to earthly constraints.

I can't wait until May when their new album, Ghost Stories, drops.

I'm about a third of the way through a new non-fiction book called The Dream Of The Great American Novel and I've picked up so many great ideas for future reads my head is almost spinning.  What started out a very dry read (think 19th Century American Lit textbook dry) has become fascinating and I've jotted down so many little notes on "forgotten" novels that were bestsellers of their day but became quickly forgotten as time passed.

My TBR pile for my Kindle is ridiculously expanding, but thankfully not my wallet. The great thing about so many of the novels mentioned are that they are free on Kindle. 

The Song Of The Lark by Willa Cather is something I wasn't familiar with and already I'm drawn into the story of a woman who leaves her hometown to pursue her passionate interest in the piano only to discover she is much more talented as a singer...absolutely loving it so far.

Lawrence Buell not only writes well, he shares a lot of information that would be useful to both American literature students and anyone passionate about the history of the novel. You don't have to be a former or present English major to love this, but Lawrence Buell's book may make you giddy if you are one! :)

I just wanted to post this today. I'm not sure if anyone reading this needs it or not, but I know it helps me to remember the above words sometimes. If there's that one person in your  life that you're convinced doesn't particularly like you and it bothers you because you honestly feel you've been as nice as possible (and even had hoped at one point to be friends) just remember: if being yourself and as decent a person as possible is "not enough for them, it will certainly be for someone else." :)

"Wings" by Haerts (a free iTunes song of the week not too long ago) just shuffled on to my player and, as always, when I'm caught by surprise, the beauty and Fleetwood Mac-ness of it all takes my breath away. It's one of those rare tracks by a new artist that makes me want to run around like an idiot telling anyone who will listen what a super great song it is.

Music has always held amazing power for me. One of the few good things about American Horror Story for me this season has been the Misty/Stevie Nicks storyline. Misty is a very endearing (burned at the stake and come back to life) witch played by Lily Rabe, who infuses her character with exactly the right balance of vulnerability and enthusiasm.

Aside from her frequent tendency to twirl around like Lynda Carter's Wonder Woman, she is an extremely likable person, with an intense fondness for all things Stevie Nicks and Fleetwood Mac. In a rather adorable scene two weeks ago, Misty fainted upon having the chance to meet her favorite singer in person (Stevie Nicks, being a really good sport, played herself, taking full advantage of her "White Witch" nickname.)

I'm kind of rambling now, but the thing of it is I totally get that kind of fascination on Misty's part...not so much with the singer, as with how the singer is the conduit for the music. I don't think Misty is fixated on Stevie Nicks as much as she is all that her favorite singer represents. In an episode earlier this season, Lily Rabe gave one of the best performances, as her character tries to explain what music can do to a person.

"Doesn't it just penetrate your soul?" She asks Zoe, a young woman who has stumbled upon the little hut Misty lives in. The look in Rabe's eyes, the sincerity and power of it, backs up her question and gets it just right. Because when music speaks to you like it can, it truly does penetrate your soul.