No one knows how to hurt a woman like another woman does.

I first read this book in 1986 and have read it twice more since then. Joyce Carol Oates is the first contemporary American author I remember impressing me enough to linger with me long after I'd read her work. "Solstice," like other works by Joyce Carol Oates, does not paint a pretty picture. 

Great fiction is often about complex, sad, scary, bitter relationships. Happy relationships are better left to the Harlequins of this world. Sometimes when you're in a weird, complex mood you want weird, complex reading, catharsis and all that...

"Solstice" lingers like someone's presence after she's left the room. If you look at some reviews written about this book, there is mention of everything from stormy psyches to lesbian subtext. Whatever the motivation behind Monica and Sheila's relationship, fascination and even some kind of subtle hatred works into it.

Monica is transfixed by Sheila and Sheila seems to need Monica as some kind of dumping ground. They'd probably just as soon want to walk away from each other with a clean break, but they can't. As Shelia says, "we'll be for friends for a long, long time...unless one of us dies." Probably a normal thing to say, but still sort of creepy.

They behave more like people in love than friends; what they have is not exactly chemistry, but it has drawing power. I always thought this novel was more about hatred than love, but sometimes hatred is love in confusion.

I am not proud of who I sometimes am, especially the past year and a half. Prayer, meditation and grounding myself more help a little, but not as much as I would like. I thought I was becoming stronger emotionally and working harder at getting rid of unwanted feelings, but they always manage to creep back in.

Even knowing this person I like thinks I'm an idiot, I still continue to wish I were capable of even just one cogent conversation with her. My guilt makes me worry she knows when in reality there's no way she could tell. Ironically (or not?) she is the model of composure I long to emulate.

But it's not just this crush that's been plaguing me, it's what at heart of the crush and what has always been my downfall. Being an emotional person is not all that great a thing to be. I'd much rather be like Spock and not react to anything, the bad or the good.

Once again I turn to Wiki How and its sound advice for help:

Don't Let Your Emotions Rule Your Life

What a difference one word makes. Two slightly different quotes attributed to Havelock Ellis. One sounds more hopeful ("Dream are real while they last.") while the other is more pragmatic ("Dreams are only real while they last.")

I found The World Of Dreams for free through Google Play books and am already enmeshed in it. A wonderful alternative to Freud, Ellis is willing (or was) to explore other possibilities regarding dreams besides the sexual aspect and so far I don't see him blaming the mother at all, which is kind of refreshing. :)

I've just begun, but already I am loving the book. I'm hoping to use it to help with getting rid of my nightmares.

Lots of great articles in today's New York Times...

All of the below are from today's New York Times:




You don't have to live in New York City to appreciate this article about houseguests:

http://nyti.ms/1jXLalI



...

I think a lot of us have done something in our past that still haunts us to this day, something that we long to apologize for, but aren't sure if it would do more harm than good. What follows below sounds like very good advice!


From today's Workologist column in the New York Times:

Question:

About 20 years ago, I served in a management position. I had great employees — but I was a horrible boss.

 

I’d like to write an apology to one person in particular who really stuck out his neck for me, but whom I treated badly. He’s retired now, and 83 years old. I don’t want to upset him by bringing back bad memories. On the other hand, I’d like to tell this man

how lucky I was to work with him, and how much I learned from his example. 

 

Bad supervision can scar the soul. I’d be immeasurably pleased if even one of the managers who wronged me in the past took the time to apologize.

 

Should I let this go or send the letter? MARCIA MACINNIS, MASHPEE, MASS.

 

 

Answer:

I think you should send it. And even if you don’t send it, you should certainly write it.

 

In fact, you may want to write it twice. First, write a version for you: Articulate whatever helps you reach catharsis about your past actions and regrets. Then start fresh or revise the original to send to the person you supervised. No need to dwell and co-workers, on the specifics of your past sins in this version —  he probably won’t need to be reminded. Focus on the apology and the positive effect he had on your life.

 

You seem sincere, and that’s the key: Anything that comes across as contrived or having an ulterior motive would be worse than no apology at all. Just make sure that what you send isn’t overly focused on you; that risks coming across more as self-pitying or even excuse-making, rather than representing real contrition.

 

With those caveats, this sounds like a good thing for him, for you — and maybe for the rest of us. We have all had regrettable moments as bosses and employees, Maybe we need an annual day of apology to all slighted colleagues.



also from today's NYT:

He will always be "Walter" from Fringe to me, but no matter who he is playing, I love him so much!:

John Noble in "The Substance of Fire"

 

Freshman year of high school, I played Michael Damian's 1984 Love Is A Mystery so much my sister told me she knew every word of it even though she could not stand the sound of his voice. I had to buy it from Canada the album was so hard to find in the United States.

Lost and obscure almost from the beginning, Love Is A Mystery is even harder to track down today and a cd copy from Japan will cost you well over $100.

It always seemed to me that Michael Damian's singing style took a turn for the worse when he tried to go more commercial in the late 80s (his cover of David Essex's "Rock On" was his first and only #1 Top 40 hit).

I got to see him at Hammerjack's ages and ages ago and he is one of those singers who is much better live than on a recording. He's a super nice person and though many of his songs from other albums sound very dated these days, much of what is Love Is A Mystery isn't half bad.


Listen here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kuWPipyEeQ


track listing: Love Is A Mystery