We've come a long way, but it's not over...

As long as there has been representation of lesbians in fiction, no matter the quality of it, there has rarely ever been indifference in how they are represented. Whether in the pages of pulp fiction, where gay women are clearly seen as "bad" or pitifully portrayed as "confused" or whether it's in more modern novels where happy endings and true love can be found, there is division...just as there (obviously) is in real life.

For half a minute yesterday I felt hope, real, honest hope, that the Vatican might be rethinking its history of demonizing gays and lesbians. Pope Francis is definitely more open-minded and kind-hearted than any of his predecessors on social issues. He was all set, apparently, to recognize that we are people too, with valid contributions to society.

Hardly inflammatory or radical, part of the document states:

“Homosexuals have gifts and qualities to offer the Christian community. Are we capable of welcoming these people, guaranteeing to them a further space in our communities? Often they wish to encounter a Church that offers them a welcoming home."

Nowhere, does it say gays should be allowed to marry or priests must officiate at them. It just states a basic, compassionate truth: that gays and lesbians are people, too, and that perhaps the Christian community should be more open to them.

Today, according to CNN, the Vatican has retracted its position due to "angry assault from conservative Catholics" (more here). Among the less hateful, but no less hurtful, reactions:

Those who are controlling the Synod have betrayed Catholic parents worldwide. We believe that the Synod’s mid-way report is one of the worst official documents drafted in Church history. … Catholic families are clinging to Christ’s teaching on marriage and chastity by their finger-tips.” — John Smeaton, cofounder of Voice of the Family, an anti-LGBT laity organization (I would love to tell Mr. Smeaton that gay people are perfectly capable of being chaste and celibate, but I doubt he'd listen.)

I knew better than to get my hopes up, not to mention that God Himself could accept me for being gay and as long as it's not okay with my parents, I'd still be torn. What does it matter to me, personally, either way? And why do comments (from letters to the editor) like this upset me terribly?

A battered but proud national tradition of paying homage to and buttressing the ancient law of chastity — no sexual relations except between a man and a woman legally wed — has been officially and, with finality, discarded by a nation that famously hoped to be that “city upon a hill.”

It's simple: it upsets me because being gay is not about sex, but about love, and because there is so much hypocrisy linked to the above viewpoint, I have to stop typing for a second so I can calm down. People who are homophobic or, worse, bigoted often fiercely deny they are and explain that they get upset over any couples living together outside of traditional marriage.

Yet, that's just not so...if it were, where are the protests over straight people living together without being wed or straight singles going to bars, merely to hook up with strangers and have meaningless sex? There is no more a gay "lifestyle" than there is straight one. For more of us than not (no matter who we are) we aren't looking for one night stands, but for true love, the kind that you can't find in bars or night clubs or Craig's List.

Homophobic people (and the Vatican) cannot have it both ways. You cannot say gays and lesbians are merely sexual creatures and throw that stereotype around whenever it's convenient for your position, but then say two loving and committed people do not have the right to get married and grow old together when it's painfully evident that's exactly what they want. You can't say in one breath we're "sick" or "mentally ill" and then, in another breath, say we "choose" to be this way.

Honestly, I have no personal interest invested in this. My parents will never make peace with who I am and I have never found that someone I long to grow old with, so I hardly think I'll be making any wedding plans in the future. But, I have seen (and still see) people of the same gender in love who would do anything for each other, who would die for each other, and I just don't get why so much hate is used to fight such a beautiful thing as love.

I know homophobia is always going to exist, no matter how much progress we make in gay rights and marriage. I don't expect to ever change anyone's mind about it. I do, though, wish anti-gay people would be more honest and just admit that they can't (or won't) see gays and lesbians as human beings with hearts and morals and daily lives that are just as normal as anyone else's. I am sad over the reaction to yesterday's promising Vatican announcement, but I am definitely not surprised.

For now, I'll remind myself that some people think more like this man:

“The Spirit was clearly at work in the Synod. We pray that this positive shift in tone and language will also mean changes in hurtful and dated policies.” — Jim FitzGerald, executive director of Call to Action, an inclusive antiracism and anti-oppression Catholic organization





from Terry Moore's Strangers In Paradise



starobserver.com.au

It's been one of those days that will swallow you up whole if you let it and then I went exploring in iTunes to try and forget and this song was featured under "New From Your Artists." "Sunrising" is so peaceful and lovely. It's almost as gorgeous as their more well-known song "Life in a Northern Town."

I didn't realize a new comprehensive collection of their music had been released in July. It sounds terrific for any Dream Academy fan:

http://theseconddisc.com/2014/06/20/return-to-a-northern-town-real-gone-preps-dream-academy-anthology-with-previously-unreleased-tracks/

Fragile things...

My mom used to refer to me as "fragile." She'd especially use this word to talk me out of all the reasons I shouldn't do things or go places by myself, even long after I'd moved out on my own. She'd cite my health issues or what she called my "too trusting nature" as why I needed to be extra careful in life.

Both my parents spent most of my childhood and teen years sheltering me so much that by the time I got to college, I wouldn't have known a third of what the other kids knew if I hadn't read so many of the books I wasn't supposed to or asked my younger, but much more worldly, sister.

I disliked that particular "f" word for so long I only recently saw that being "fragile" isn't always a bad word. I mean, if we were too tough to ever ever break, how would know or care how we, or others, ever really feel? How would we be human? Being more open and vulnerable to things means getting hurt, of course, but it also means experiencing so many beautiful things too...

from appszoom.com

Very few things are more fragile than emotions. When you begin to truly accept that you can't always change some emotions (which should be easy to change since you're the one having them) you finally start to get some peace. Your situation may be that you try and try to stop liking someone but you just can't, so instead you change what you can change about it. And that's not so hard to do if what you thought you wanted (acknowledgement, friendship, forgiveness) is something else instead.

Say, for instance, it was never about that person you like (but shouldn't) liking you back, but about forgiving yourself and hoping they never find out. Instead, maybe, the hardest thing for you was caring for them and knowing you had no right to care....that they had their family and friends for that. I think, if you're going to care no matter what do not to care, that possibly, hopefully, it's okay to silently send good thoughts and wishes (maybe even prayers) their way...

I have had a nightmare the past two nights about something that has never happened to me in real life and yet it was so detailed and scary it still troubled me. I woke with a shaky start and had to think for half a second about where I was. Then I got up and popped a Golden Girls dvd in my tv and I realized insomnia is nowhere near as bad as having a nightmare.

They say our minds can't make up faces in our dreams, but I have trouble believing that since I don't think I've ever seen the person in them before.

These are some of the sources I've tried to see if I can figure things out. Surprisingly, Yahoo Answers is often a good, if sometimes a very uncomfortable source, even though you are rarely getting people with lots of expertise. Ask MetaFilter is also great, not just for life answers, but other things such as music.

As it appeared on answers.yahoo.com:

Your dream can be interpreted in many ways and have many meanings! Here they are:
#1: The dream could be reflecting your overall fears regarding sex. #2: Dreaming of sexual assault or rape symbolizes a betrayal of the most powerful kind. Someone in your world is pressuring you, harming you, forcing you to do things you do not want to and you don't have anyone to turn to for help... And if you do, that person is not sincere with you. Be careful in who you comfy! #3: To dream that you have been raped, indicates vengeful or resentful feelings toward the opposite sex. You feel that you have been violated or that you have been taken advantage of. Something or someone is jeopardizing your self-esteem and emotional well-being. Things are being forced upon you. Dreams of rape are also common for those who were actually raped in their waking life. To see a rape being committed in your dream, denotes sexual dysfunction or uncertainty. #4: Rapes in dreams can mean many things. Obviously if you have been raped then the dream could be taking you back to that moment. Rape sometimes link to sexual feelings in another way. If you are sexually inexperienced the dream maybe about you exploring your own sexual feelings and preparing to enter a sexual relationship. They may also link to issues of trust e.g. can you trust someone to look after your child? But rapes often are just metaphors for abuse and a sense of powerlessness. They may link to people who have lied and cheated to you and taken advantage of you. They may refer to a boss who has taken advantage of you or treated you badly. If no obvious link to the dream appears just try to think about your life right now and what is the bad thing within it?
As I said before, there are many other meanings to your dream... Since you had the same kind of dream 3x already, pay attention to your surroundings and be careful not to say more than you should, even to those you know! Good luck!!!

Other sources and some quotes that deal with nightmares:

http://io9.com/5852410/10-things-you-probably-didnt-know-about-dreams 

(The above link mentions that most people dream about the same things, but I'm not so sure about that...)

 http://ask.metafilter.com/162715/Why-do-I-have-nightmares-every-night

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/nightmares-in-adults


“I still get nightmares. In fact, I get them so often I should be used to them by now. I'm not. No one ever really gets used to nightmares.”
― Mark Z. Danielewski, House of Leaves

  “Those heart-hammering nightmares that start to lose coherence even as you're waking up from them, but that still manage to leave their moldering fingerprints all across your day.”
― Mike Carey, The Naming of the Beasts 

 “You can shoo people away in real life, but not when they force their way in through the dream door.”
― Donna Lynn Hope

Things aren't always what they seem in the latest "Forever," which airs Tuesday nights on ABC, at ten.

Another new show I like is "Forever," which is kind of like "Castle," only less comedic and with a slight supernatural twist.

Dr. Henry Morgan is a medical examiner (played charmingly by Ioan Gruffudd) who studies dead bodies both as a professional living and to help him figure out why he is apparently immortal..."apparently" because he can "briefly" die, but always comes back to life (and, for reasons not explained yet, always naked.)

He is partnered with detective Jo Martinez (Alana de la Garza significantly more at ease and warm here than she was as a district attorney on Law and Order), though the writers have promised (in a refreshing move for tv) to not have them become romantically involved. They are both likable characters, each having had wonderful spouses whom they still mourn and which adds to the genuine feel of decency "Forever" has.

Though the ratings have already started to slide, the most recent episode was the best yet and offered a little bit of old school mystery (a la "Murder She Wrote") to it. The victim, played terrifically by Kathleen Chalfant, appears at a major fundraiser, getting out barbs left and right, telling family and friends exactly what she thinks of them. Minutes later (surprise, surprise) she's dead.

Mean people, after all, always get their comeuppance in crime shows, but was Gloria Carlyle really mean and which of the many people who disliked her had the real motive? Not terribly original, right? Maybe not...but the thing is her backstory connects with Henry Morgan's in a way that is beautiful and sweet without being too sugary or sentimental.

The viewer finds out there was more to Gloria that met the eye and that...well, I don't want to spoil the rest of the episode. I do want to say "Forever" is a solid show that might not be very innovative, but is quite pleasant to watch by On Demand or through a DVR, especially if you're up late at night and need something "escapist" to watch.

Insomnia is no fun, but you can only clean and read so much with all that time, before you have to at least try and unwind in bed.