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Greta Garbo...it's so tempting to romanticize someone so seemingly aloof and alone, but after reading a recent article in the Boston Globe that referred to her "apartness," I had to read more about her because I hardly know anything about her at all.

I've seen many of her films, but way before that I knew she wanted to be left alone (or to be more specific: "I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said, 'I want to be left alone.' There is all the difference.")

I have always been drawn to reserved people and not just because of the mysterious air they exude. There is always more to people than meets the eye, perhaps because, as Garbo herself once said, you need to keep some things to yourself>>>

There are many things in your heart you can never tell to another person. They are you, your private joys and sorrows, and you can never tell them. You cheapen yourself, the inside of yourself, when you tell them.

Both this article:

http://www.vanityfair.com/hollywood/2010/04/the-garbo-next-door-200004
 

and this (from Wikipedia) add to the mystique and sadness of her solitude. But as old school Hollywood (when less was more) and mysterious as it might seem, she was still a real woman who did deserve a right to privacy and probably suffered far more than she ever let on...

In retirement, Garbo generally led a private life of simplicity and leisure. She made no public appearances and assiduously tried to avoid the publicity she loathed.^[113] As she had been during her Hollywood years, Garbo, with her innate need for solitude, was often reclusive. But contrary to myth, she had, from the beginning, many friends and acquaintances with whom she socialized, and later, traveled.^[114][115] Occasionally, she jet-setted with well-known and wealthy personalities, striving to guard her privacy as she had during her career.

Still, she often floundered about what to do and how to spend her time ("drifting" was the word she frequently used),^[116] always struggling with her many eccentricities,^[115][117] and her lifelong melancholy, or depression, and moodiness.^[118][119] As she approached her sixtieth birthday, she told a frequent walking companion, "In a few days, it will be the anniversary of the sorrow that never leaves me, that will never leave me for the rest of my life."^[120] To another friend she said in 1971, "I suppose I suffer from very deep depression."^[121] It is also arguable, says one biographer, that she was bipolar. "I am very happy one moment, the next there is nothing left for me," she said in 1933.^[121]

Tonight, I'm just now catching up with last Sunday's papers. This article from the Washington Post caught my eye, mostly because I have a soft spot for the misbegotten and unusual-looking and because I love vegetables:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/eat-the-crooked-carrot-save-the-world/2015/03/13/d6899452-c7fb-11e4-a199-6cb5e63819d2_story.html

 

nerves and nightmares

Salvador Dali

I have been having the most horrific nightmares the past few nights so I'm drinking coffee and planning on staying up late tonight because I can't bear to fall asleep anymore, even though sleep is exactly what I want most in life right now.

I think it's all a vicious cycle, emphasis on the "vicious." Not sleeping and being nervous leads to nightmares and bad nerves, which then leads to more not sleeping which leads to more bad nerves which leads back to the...well, you get it.

I am ashamed to admit that I have been having a glass of wine, sometimes more than one, a night to help me sleep. I guess because I don't have much experience with alcohol I didn't realize it can actually cause nightmares, though I've had nightmares since I was a little girl and am not sure alcohol is the sole cause. 

No matter, the cause, though...I'm through with the wine. I don't like how it makes me feel.

Anyway...today I have extremely frayed nerves so I'm trying to go to my Happy Place even more than usual and also using this article to help:

 http://www.wikihow.com/Not-Get-Nervous (with emphasis on the second step):

2

Go to your "happy place" or visualize success. Happy Gilmore wasn't full of it when he used a visualization technique to quell his anger before making a golf shot. You can use a "happy place" visualization to remove yourself from a place of nervousness and visit a stress-free place of happiness, whether it be a shopping mall or a deserted beach.

• Visualize yourself succeeding in the thing that is making you nervous. Positive visualizations can turn into actual successes if you truly believe that you can succeed.
• Remember to think happy thoughts and utilize your imagination to imagine positive rather than negative situations.

As for nightmares, if you suffer from them (though I hope you don't), I found the following articles helpful:

http://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/guide/nightmares-in-adults


http://www.charminghealth.com/applicability/nightmare.htm


And this really old thing (the copyright looks like 1946) on guilt and nightmares:

https://news.google.com/newspapers?nid=1368&dat=19461215&id=bk9QAAAAIBAJ&sjid=Tg0EAAAAIBAJ&pg=2558,564535&hl=en

I am propped up in bed, hoping to fall asleep because I feel like I haven't slept right in ages and sleep (good sleep) can be such sweet relief. It's amazing how something so common is so hard to find.

I'm also not really getting how to actually be lately, then I see this in the magazine I'm half-heartedly reading. I don't follow Dr. Phil at all, but this speaks to me. If fear of rejection is so common I wonder why humans (in general) aren't nicer to each other.

There are days when I'm almost afraid to leave the house, not because I'm afraid of people so much...as I'm afraid of how I will interact with them.

Except for work I really don't go anywhere but to the store and to get my errands done. I don't necessarily like being alone so much, but the worrying part of me prefers that, because it's impossible to unintentionally antagonize or annoy someone if you keep to yourself, by yourself.

The worst thing about good intentions is it doesn't always matter who you really are or what you mean...people often only see what is on the surface. 

A shy person comes across as a snob. A person who is fearful or been hurt whenever she dared open her heart in the past now may come across as cold or uncaring. 

Past experiences or tormenting thoughts can keep us from showing our true selves and we are judged by what we do or say, not by what we feel. So someone who comes across as a stumbling conversationalist or as having no emotions may be the exact opposite...some of us figure it's better to stay hidden than to venture out.

I wish (sometimes), like ET, we had heartlights so we all knew where we stood with each other.