More relevant than ever😔💔

(Or at least it feels that way lately)

Lyrics

Oh-oh, yeah
Mmm
To-do-do, oh-oh

These are the days of the open hand
They will not be the last
Look around now
These are the days of the beggars and the choosers

This is the year of the hungry man
Whose place is in the past
Hand in hand with ignorance
And legitimate excuses

The rich declare themselves poor
And most of us are not sure
If we have too much but we'll take our chances
'Cause God's stopped keeping score
I guess somewhere along the way
He must have let us all out to play
Turned His back and all God's children
Crept out the back door

And it's hard to love
There's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above
Say it's much, too much, too late
Well, maybe we should all be praying for time

To-do-do, oh-oh
Mmm, whoa-whoa, yeah

These are the days of the empty hand
Oh, you hold on to what you can
And charity is a coat you wear twice a year
This is the year of the guilty man
Your television takes a stand
And you find that what was over there is over here

So you scream from behind your door
Say what's mine is mine and not yours
I may have too much but I'll take my chances
'Cause God's stopped keeping score
And you cling to the things they sold you
Did you cover your eyes when they told you
That he can't come back 'cause he has no children
To come back for?

It's hard to love
There's so much to hate
Hanging on to hope
When there is no hope to speak of
And the wounded skies above
Say it's much too late
So maybe we should all be praying for time

To-do-do
Oh-oh, yeah

Source: Musixmatch

Songwriters: George Michael

Praying for Time lyrics © Robobuild Limited

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the first 20 seasons of the original “Law & Order” landed on Hulu. To my knowledge, they have never been streaming before. L&O is probably one of my favorite comfort shows after “I love Lucy” and “Golden Girls.”

Because I had never seen the first three seasons before I started at the beginning and I’m very struck by just how amazing Paul Sorvino is in the second and part of the third season.

A writer from https://www.slashfilm.com captures it perfectly:

What makes Cerreta great is his gentle strength and quiet confidence. When he speaks, he commands attention — all without raising his voice. The senior officer could be intimidating in one scene and warmly compassionate in the next; the latter was especially true when talking to female victims of assault — there was a kindness in his voice that was firm but empathetic. Cerreta threaded that needle arguably better than any other detective on "Law & Order" — Lennie Briscoe (Jerry Orbach, who died in 2004) being a close second, but even he was oftentimes prickly with victims. 

Read More: https://www.slashfilm.com/941109/paul-sorvinos-short-law-order-stint-still-left-a-mark/

I wish Paul Sorvino had been on the show longer. I find his presence so comforting. It turns out he left because he didn't feel the role allowed him to express himself as an artist and because of his interest in pursuing opera, which is really kind of neat.

 

I just wanted to elaborate a little more on internalized homophobia. I asked AI to define it. Not everything that follows below* is what I have experienced. In a world where being queer was more accepted and less demonized (and to a less important extent, where I was pretty and dateable), I would be almost weightless in my soul.

But we don't live in that kind of world (especially now!) and I am not a candidate for Ms. Right For Me, so I do find myself self-hating and self-doubting my innocence and right to exist. And I worry a lot about all the other people out there who are going through challenges and heartache and feeling like they may have to completely disappear or shut down just to survive, both figuratively and literally.

Internalized homophobia is when someone internalizes negative beliefs and feelings about LGBTQ+ people, and applies those beliefs to themselves. It can cause people to feel discomfort or disapproval with their own same-sex attractions, or even reject their sexual orientation

Causes 

Internalized homophobia can be caused by society's negative perceptions, intolerance, and stigma toward LGBTQ+ people.

• It can also be caused by the assumption that everyone is or should be heterosexual.

Effects

Internalized homophobia can lead to self-hatred, mental and physical health issues, and problems with intimacy. 
It can also cause people to isolate themselves from queer people, or to bully and discriminate against openly gay people. 

Signs 

Feeling discomfort or disapproval with same-sex attractions
Punishing oneself for having queer thoughts and feelings
Avoiding gay/queer peers or colleagues
Defending or excusing homophobia

My fears for the next four years for anyone who is not a straight white man are growing stronger each day.

I swore that I would not write or obsess about Trump again, but the past few days have made it so very difficult not to do so. He has hit the ground running with his extreme agenda and executive orders that are so alarming I cannot think clearly enough to convey what I want to say. 

I've always had some amount of internalized homophobia (though rarely outward) but it has been especially activated the past few days and never have I been this afraid to live in this country. The days of feeling fairly safe that I had ten years ago are completely gone now.

But for a moment yesterday I was comforted by these words Reverend Maryann Budde spoke before Trump:

“In the name of our God, I ask you to have mercy upon the people in our country who are scared now. There are gay, lesbian, and transgender children in Democratic, Republican, and independent families. Some who fear for their lives.”

In an interview later she said: “I wanted to counter, as gently as I could, with a reminder of their humanity and their place in our wider community.And I was speaking to the president because I felt that he has this moment now where he feels charged and empowered to do what he feels called to do. And I wanted to say, you know, there is room for mercy. There‘s room for a broader compassion. We don’t need to portray with a broad cloth in the harshest of terms, some of the most vulnerable people in our society who are in fact our neighbors, our friends, our children, our friends, children and so forth."

Trump went on a tirade about Rev. Buddes, calling for a public apology from her. Imagine finding fault with and getting angry with someone who is only asking for compassion for everyone. And this is only his first week.

 

I'm reading Carrie again for the first time in 40 years so I'm not surprised I don't remember a lot of it, besides iconic imagery that is most likely more from the film. I think what most gets to me is the cruelty Carrie faces from everyone in her life. I just don't remember the level of intensity of it, heartbreaking and monstrous, which makes me wonder if I only imagined I read it before. Stephen King's books came into my life probably way sooner than they should have (I was only 10 when I first read one of his books) but horror seemed perfectly suited for middle and high school years at the time.