I think it's easier to "fake it until you make it" than it is to pretend you don't have certain emotions. The problem is if you try too hard to achieve an air of indifference you might be accused of having BRF ("bitchy resting face.")

Personally, I'd rather have BRF...let people think I don't give a damn about the things that never seem to rattle others. I want to be that way...and yet still have some of my humanity left intact. I truly envy (not in a bad envy way) people who at least appear to have their act together.

If, for some reason, someone would want to get rid of his or her BRF (does someone with one even know that they appear that way to others?) Elle magazine has some tips:

http://www.elle.com/life-love/society-career/change-your-facial-expression

Meanwhile, as for inner struggles, I'm looking forward to symbolically closing out this year and starting fresh, crush-free, and making peace with who I am...

 

I read this earlier this week in The Wall Street Journal:

http://online.wsj.com/articles/book-review-two-new-translations-of-anna-karenina-by-marian-schwartz-and-rosamund-bartlett-1416614422

It appealed to me mostly because I think I own almost every translation of Anna Karenina (I'm a fanatic with that book) but also because the article is well-written and very interesting.



Right now I'm reading this very (very) dark and disturbing novel that I should have deleted upon finishing the first chapter, but didn't. It is so oddly compelling, so much so it's like I'm reading it against my will.

The main character herself goes way beyond the anti-hero archetype and does horrible things, but when she finds herself in the middle of another girl's disappearance, which may be related to sex trafficking, it seems like she might just be the right person to help.

She's also a vampire who spends way too much on shoes and has done pretty much everything under the sun (except when the Sun is actually out) to ever be squeamish about life.

It's so complicated and weird I'm not sure I can even explain. When I first downloaded the novel for free, I thought it was about a rock group called Suzie and the Monsters; once I realized it wasn't, it too late. I was hooked. I'm never ever hitting one-click on Amazon again when I'm under the influence of Nyquil.

Two more great mixes I found on Soundcloud include another take on "Let's Dance" (kind of out there and definitely edgy, but hypnotizing in the best way possible.) Also good is this one:

https://soundcloud.com/rubenandra/80s-child-back-to-the-80s-mix

 

"I Love Lucy" in the country episodes...

My insomnia struck hard last night, but I was okay with it because I popped in the sixth season I just bought of "I Love Lucy" and watched an episode I've never seen before.

"Lucy Raises Tulips" is the one where she doesn't know how to turn off the lawn mower she's borrowed from her neighbors and ends up riding all over town. The expressions on her face (we only hear about her scary drive down the Boston Post Road) before and after her out-of-control ride are, as usual with Lucy, priceless.

Vivian Vance (way underrated in the history of comedic talent and always great with her delivery of lines) has one of her best solo scenes ever on the show. Ethel explains to the man on the other end of the phone that Lucy cannot find the switch to turn off the lawn mower. She believes Lucy to still be outside, the nefarious machine twirling her around in circles and then taking her across the backyard, but soon discovers, through the shop owner on the phone, that Lucy is actually driving down main street against her will.

I laughed as hard as I do during the infamous chocolate factory and  vitameatavegamin episodes. Very few things in life make me happier or more at peace than a good Lucy marathon. :)

There are many wonderful, wonderful things about Make Much Of Me by Kayla Bashe. It has an innocence I haven't really seen in the fiction I've read very recently. And much of its charm comes from the story being set in an earlier time. While it doesn't flat out state it (unless I somehow missed something) the suggested era is the 1920s. Words like "jake" and "cloche hat" and the mannerisms and dress of the girls attending the school they go to suggest this.

Make Much About Me is only 84 pages, but it took longer to read because I so loved to linger over a lot of the passages. 

Delightfully unusual (it often reminds me of the Nancy Drew books, minus the mysteries) main character Lily has an plucky yet endearing spirit and the warm tenderness between her and her friend Laura permeates all around. And, best of all, there is no sex...it's all about emotion and connecting on other levels, while still being romantic and sweet.

Some of my favorite sections:

- "The woman I might marry someday. I was thinking of her." She propped her chin up on her fists. “Perhaps she lives only a few hours away in New York- or perhaps she lives right here, or in a tenement. I ought to send her my best wishes, in case she has no one to look out for her. That’s what I’m doing. I’m sending her my love.”

 

-How could one not listen to Stravinsky and not feel utterly wild afterwards, or not sit paralyzed in amazement and admiration after the final chord of a choral piece? The teachers who had heard her sing in her private assessment agreed that while her technique was shaky, the heart was there, and while the world might never weep to hear her sing, it would surely draw joy from her.

-Lily talked to Laura in bed, saying whatever came into her head while stroking her friend's sunbeam hair. Everything from, “I don't think there is any such thing as an unattractive woman. Tired women, and badly dressed women, and women who don't look after themselves or stand up straight or could use a bit of good advice on how to present themselves. But ugly? Never."

 -Lily felt as if she knew Laura, and liked Laura, more than ever. She wanted to rescue Laura from any unhappiness, to look after her always, to see her smile like the sun coming out from behind a cloud at long last

  
-There was a girl in my life, Father, Laura thought, and she made me happy. And had I been worthy of her, I would have continued loving her until the day I died!

 

“No, Laura, that's not what I mean. The thing is...Every day before I met you, my soul spent it missing you. Laura, my dandelion fluff, my angel light. We were made to keep each other safe."

Make Much Of Me is definitely going to stay on my Kindle for re-reading. Its specialness (and deep sincerity) has nestled itself into my heart.  I know how corny that may sound, but it's just how it is.:)

 

Friday music, this and that...

This appears in December's Elle magazine. 400 dollars, "built to endure all manners of hell," the headphones are available at masterdynamic.com. They're definitely outside my price range (and lined in lambskin so that's not good), but I'd rather spend that kind of money on music than shoes any day.

Sadly, Elle isn't trying to appeal to the shoe-buying crowd here. The Master & Dynamic MH40 headphones appear in an article about top ten things to get for your guy for the holidays, right next to a sweet MP3 player that costs a cool 900 bucks.

I'd think it was kind of sexist, but I'm not sure. Whenever I'm in the music magazine section of a bookstore or in record stores like Sound Garden or Record and Tape Traders or at Radio Shack (or other places that sell stereo-related stuff) it seems like I only ever see men. And when I read Mojo and Uncut and Classic Rock, the letters to the editor section never features women readers.

Oh, well. Shoes (and diamonds) can't be every girl's best friend and that's just fine with me.

One article I found explores whether men really are more serious about music when it comes to fandom:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/men/the-filter/11167333/Are-men-more-passionate-about-music-than-women-are.html


Meanwhile, this is on SoundCloud, not a mix, just the original version. It's still lots of fun to listen to:

Another reason I like SoundCloud so much is that it can give you over a dozen different (wildly different) mixes for the same song. David Bowie's "Let's Dance," for instance, is the perfect track to mess around with, as it has been here:

https://soundcloud.com/tool-o-saurus/david-bowie-lets-dance-studio



Dimitri from Paris's take changes the tempo so fast it's like, "Dude, where's the fire?" And another dj mashes Santana, Tito Puente and "Let's Dance" all magically together...it shouldn't work, but it does.

My favorite discovery so far, though, is Amos Lee's cover of "Like A Virgin," as a ballad. I always imagined what the song would sound like slowed down and pretty and now I know...it's so very gorgeous, with a wonderful spirit. Sorry, Madonna:

https://soundcloud.com/mrmetacrisis/amos-lee-like-a-virgin-madonna-cover-from-greys-anatomy