Almost every day there is an article on Yahoo about radical Christians or the far (far) right wanting to push their views on other people by punishing them legally. Some of these views include very extreme measures such as killing gay people and making sure women "know their place" or don't have easily available and safe access to reproductive health care, even if their lives are at stake.

I don't know if people like Ted Cruz or (to an even larger extreme) men like the lawyer in California who wants to make it legal to kill gay people have a chance in pushing their power further. I don't even want to think about a world like that, I would sooner die first than live there.

Yet there are lots of people who would gladly follow people like Cruz and even Matthew Gregory McLaughlin (the lawyer who is proposing a bill that would advocate the murder of gays and lesbians) and this scares me so much I can barely type this.

As I often wonder sometimes, both as a lesbian and a woman, how do people like this dare to think they speak for God or humanity? I would think even the most hardened homophobic would agree killing people is wrong.

I am constantly amazed that there is mentality we live in a gay friendly country when you can still be fired in 29 states for being gay and many of us struggle for any kind of relationship with our families simply because they cannot accept who we are...

This McLaughlin guy apparently can go ahead with this initiative so that if it gets enough signatures (365,000 according to news reports) it can be on the ballot in November. The scary thing is I think there are actually those who would willingly sign it (and not just through some kind of deception on the part of the people asking for signatures.) This upsets me so much that I can't begin to describe my feelings.

two recent reads...

 

Off Screen is just a bit short for my tastes, but I love the writing, how sweet the story is and how both lead characters take their time getting to know each other. Becoming friends first, but secretly hoping for more, each woman is adorably endearing in her uncertainty about how the other feels.

Other pluses for me include: a vulnerability and earnestness found both in the writing itself and both women. I love the author's observations on so many things, but especially how writing can heal and the fears of falling in love (and not being loved back.)

What it lacks in length, Off Screen makes up for in substance. Well under one hundred pages, this novella sets things up nicely for what I hope will be a super sequel (see: The Red Carpet).

This is absolutely, positively the sweetest and most adorable tale I've read in quite a while. I'm still smiling from how nice and sincere it is. More lesfic should aspire to be have old-fashioned romance and wonderfully quirky characters who deeply care about each other. I would have paid twice what I did for such a charming read! :)

I sat down to watch "new" tv for the first time in days and soon found myself remembering why I prefer old movies and my "I Love Lucy" dvds.

First, I checked out the latest CSI incarnation, "Cyber."  Then, when I could take no more of the overly slick production values and monotonous vibes (is this the same Patricia Arquette who just won an Academy Award?) of the show I tried to catch up on "Castle."

There, I was troubled by the opening line. An astronaut in training exclaims how badly he wants a "hot girl in a bikini." Even a "ugly one" would do as long as she came with a "paper bag."

Way beyond irritated by then, I turned that off and switched to a "Mike & Molly" rerun, where not ten minutes into it, the running gag is how many quips they can get out of three men being "grossed out" over a topless, much older woman accidentally walking in on them.

This is way much sexism for me in one day so now I'm trying to escape with the Sunday papers, which by nature of its sharing the news of the world is also disturbing.

I know that the word "ugly" bothers me beyond my having a righteous indignation for women everywhere. I heard my share of the world "ugly" enough in middle and high school and it stuck with me for so long that it still hurts when I hear that world used anywhere, about anyone.
 
But personal bias aside, I know there is a sexism problem on tv and that's one main reason I prefer reruns and classics.

Chuck Lorre (who created "Mike & Molly") knocking women over for good laughs should not surprise me, but the "Castle" thing really does. It struck a nerve with me that I should get past, but right now I just can't. Yes, there is sexism in old movies and "I Love Lucy" but it's not as vulgar as today's and it's not as shocking.

I would rather be insulted with a little class and style, two things mostly missing in today's entertainment. Katherine Hepburn may be a bit daft in "Bringing Up Baby" and Lucy may cry to get her way and Ricky may sometimes patronize her, but there wasn't this crudeness, this complete lack of respect for women as people that (to me) seems worse today than ever.

The more vulgar the world gets the more I just want to escape. "Bringing Up Baby" and "I Love Lucy" will never be considered feminist works of art, but they are fun and from a world that didn't pretend to be as enlightened as today's world tries to pretend it is.

Saturday night music

"The Beat Goes On" popped in my head tonight so I played it and realized I had completely forgotten how much I really love it. It's the only Sonny and Cher song I can say I think is essential to pop music. 

 

I have nothing against them (I absolutely loved their tv variety show when I was a child), but was never fascinated by any of their songs like I was this one.

 

And it's mostly because of this:

 

Making the beat go on in this song was Carol Kaye , who played bass at the session. One of the top Los Angeles studio musicians, Carol played on hundreds of records, including tracks for Phil Spector and Brian Wilson. She had recently switched from guitar to bass - Sonny Bono would often use her for electric 12-string fills. This song had a very sparse bass part written, which Carol elaborated into the key part of the instrumentation. She told us it was one of her biggest creative contributions to a hit record. "It was a nothing song, and then the bass line kind of made that," said Carol. She adds that it was only one chord, but its impact made her realize how important a bass line could be and inspired her to play more of the instrument.-- from Songfacts

 

No offense to Sonny or Cher, but I really don't think the song would be anything at all without that bass line.

 

emotional Kryptonite
 

Good days aren't so hard, obviously. But on a bad day I need to remember *this* and, maybe, it might be of use to you as well. I especially like "don't react right away;" that is my most difficult emotional challenge.

 

* http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/controlling-your-emotions_b_3654326.html

Being more decisive and in control of my feelings may sometimes be too much to achieve every day, but I know one thing I can definitely stop doing and that's waiting for (or believing in) things that will never ever happen. 

Waiting is something I've done much of my life and it's time to stop. You don't wait for life to happen. You make it happen.

 

While I'm incapable of being loved romantically (I think it's fact and not self-pity, if you've read your mid-40s and can say this without flinching), I'm not immune to falling in love. I try not to, but it happens; the heart's funny that way, it rarely listens to the rest of you.

 

I don't mind so much that I'm single except I do kind of tie self-worth and love together, whether that's right or wrong, and I feel like I'm just taking up space if I don't serve a purpose beyond existing.

 

They say self-love comes before loving others but I feel like the opposite is true. How can you love yourself if you don't see your own value to others?

No matter what, though, whether I figure out the self-love thing or not, whether I understand the space I take up or not, I don’t wait, I seek...not true love or marriage or a family of my own. Those dreams are just that...dreams. Knowledge and inner peace, though, those are not so unattainable.