Voltaire once said that uncertainty is an uncomfortable position, but certainty is an absurd one. He is right for so many reasons, but for me no more so than because taking this position in matters of love and the heart is very wise, no matter how unromantic it may be.

Uncertainty can leave room for hope where being certain (through what you own eyes see and knowing the facts of the case) can not. There may be flickers in one's heart of "oh, maybe that person does like me" but that is all they are...flickers. Romance novels and tv shows and movies seem to suggest that it is better to reach out and take the chance than to not. But that is a huge mistake that will leave you with more than egg on your face and the other person possibly never talking to you again.

I really, really do not think we can help what we feel in our hearts for someone else, I truly, truly do not. If we could, I think many of us would have exorcised the pain we have a long, long, long time ago. Our hearts may not be able to stop reminding us with their annoyingly active thump, thump, thumps how we feel about someone else BUT our mouths can certainly keep quiet about it all. And for those of us who know beyond certain that our feelings are not returned, well that is not only the sensible thing to do, it is the ONLY thing to do.

Those romantic works of art also like to suggest that there's always a chance (though really a chance is just a flicker) that that someone else could actually like us back. Maybe. (Can I emphasize maybe enough?) But the chances that they do not feel the same, that the gut instinct, that little voice inside us screaming to keep quiet...well, the chances are much higher that the voice of reason, not the voice of the heart should be listened to, at all costs. That little flicker of uncertainty may always hurt, but short of someone directly telling you how she feels, showing very outwardly and with much enthusiasm that she likes you, too, uncertainty is always better.

It may sound cynical, even rather cruel, but I think forging ahead on nothing but hope can hurt everybody in the end. The weird thing is (the really, really weird and painful and somehow even beautiful thing) is that the silly voice of the heart still will not shush long after the brain and the mouth know better :(

"Love is just delayed pain, isn't it?" asks a character in the surprisingly good and often poignant "Insidious 3." And I would have to agree. She goes on to say we lose someone we love one way or another. Something about being fragile right now and up late with too many thoughts makes this (for me) one of the scariest lines in the movie. It keeps rolling around in my head for some reason.

And the really scary thing is knowing we can't stop loving even if we wanted to...



...which kind of connects to other pains that come with love, like caring for someone who just does not feel the same way and having to see them on a constant basis :( Though this is geared for people who are actually in a reciprocal relationship and then break up, a lot of what is here can still help with the struggles that come with seeing someone you care for on a regular basis and the hurt that goes with that:

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-Someone-You-Have-to-See-Every-Day

This almost always makes me smile..."Kooks" by David Bowie

[CHORUS (x2)]
Will you stay in our Lovers' Story
If you stay you won't be sorry
'Cause we believe in you
Soon you'll grow so take a chance
With a couple of Kooks
Hung up on romancing

We bought a lot of things
to keep you warm and dry
And a funny old crib on which the paint won't dry
I bought you a pair of shoes
A trumpet you can blow
And a book of rules
On what to say to people
when they pick on you
'Cause if you stay with us you're gonna be pretty Kookie too

[CHORUS]

And if you ever have to go to school
Remember how they messed up
this old fool
Don't pick fights with the bullies
or the cads
'Cause I'm not much cop at punching other people's Dads
And if the homework brings you down
Then we'll throw it on the fire
And take the car downtown

[CHORUS (repeat ad inf.)]

Writer(s): David Bowie
Copyright: Tintoretto Music, Chrysalis Music Ltd.

I love absolutely "Kooks" by David Bowie. On an eerily quiet and somber evening, this song on my headphones injects a little much-needed goofiness into my heart. There apparently is not always a lot of love for this song and I really like this defense for it on a comments section on an article about the album it is from "Hunky Dory":

 Still can't fathom the dislike of "Kooks" and "Fill Your Heart". At least give Bowie credit for having the courage to try unabashed innocence, romance and yes, even a bit of silliness. Bowie has rarely, if ever, been that lighthearted since.

Here are some interesting tidbits about the song:


http://www.songfacts.com/detail.php?id=7882

The most recent episode of "The Big Bang Theory" touched rather well, I think, on fearing change and the possible loss of friendship. That the episode focused on Sheldon being the one to worry about this made it all the more powerful, despite all the comedic flair.

This line in particular really got to me and if only it were possible, what great advice it would be:

I realized I've become too emotionally vulnerable, so, like an operating system, I'm restoring my life to the last stable version.

 

 



Oh my gosh, this writing from the below blog is just so amazing and beautiful and achingly familiar:

As a child she felt alone. She was alone. She turned her longing for connection into mock group therapy sessions for her stuffed animals, lined at the foot of her bed. “So, elephant”, she inquired, “what do you think about this story? How do you think the characters felt at the end of the book?” This type of playfulness exhibited her imaginative inner life and gave birth to an intimacy and connectedness she yearned for in actuality. Otherwise, in the context of the real people in her home, she felt stranded. Her house was missing key elements that she desperately needed to thrive: attunement, curiosity, reflection, unfettered fun.

 http://themanifeststation.net/2015/08/14/on-wishing-things-were-different/