I am left-leaning, but I am not anyone to fear. I've never protested (not that there's anything wrong with that) but I still feel passionately about so many things and now more than ever. 

Even so, I am genuinely terrified right now. I am more afraid than I have ever been and I find myself shutting up a lot, pretty much about everything except Golden Girls and my cat.

My cat is my best friend and my soulmate. I care about my family and my two close human friends and my coworkers. I go to work, the grocery store, the gas station and the dentist and eye doctor. Lately, though not often, I've started returning to the liquor store. I'm not adventurous nor bold. It's just who I am. I have never been one to raise a raucous unless I'm very hangry. My idea of wild is to actually have social plans, like going to the movies.

I consider myself part of the queer community, even though "queer" was considered a slur when I was growing up and the word still feels so wrong when I say it. I have never slept with anyone nor do I ever plan to, nor do I imagine anyone will or would ever want to with me. 

I'm asexual, which means I feel romantically and emotionally drawn to women when it comes to affection and relationships. But I do NOT hate men. I, in fact, think they are just as great as women and that no gender lays claim to cruelty or infidelity or "wrongness."

So to anyone who fears the left or thinks we are a threat to the world, this is all I have to say: a tired and broken heart is just not very scary.

I had a dream last night and in the dream I saw someone and interacted with someone I haven’t been friends with or seen since 1998. The dream felt so real that I felt like I had time traveled, and I woke up with the saddest feelings. 

This was someone I really really liked at the time and was lucky enough to be friends with as well. The times I have had crushes on people, they not only haven’t felt the same, we weren’t friends. I never ever tell people I like them 'that way' and as far as I know none of the people I've liked have ever known.

I felt blown away by the strength of the dream. I haven’t really thought about this person in a long time but I went to open my desk drawers where I keep my old diaries, thinking to try one more time to find the journal from the missing year (that is set in my dream). 

I shoved my hands way back behind the crevices of the drawer and found it and could not believe it and having just read some of it right now I feel mentally and emotionally drained. It is just so weird how powerful mental time travel and dreams can be. It feels as if I just saw this person last night instead of almost thirty years ago.

I had a dream last night and in the dream I saw someone and interacted with someone I haven’t been friends with since 1998.

The dream felt so real that I felt like I had time traveled, and I woke up with the saddest feelings. This was someone I really really liked at the time and was lucky enough to be friends with as well.

Most of the time when I’ve had crushes on people, they not only haven’t felt the same, we weren’t friends.

I felt blown away by the strength of the dream. I haven’t really thought about this person in a long time but I went to open my desk drawers where I keep my old diaries, thinking to try one more time to find the journal from the missing year (that is set in my dream).

I shoved my hands way back behind the crevices of the drawer and found it and could not believe it and having just read some of it right now I feel mentally and emotionally drained. It is just so weird how powerful mental time travel can be.

Years ago, in my early 20s, I became obsessed with Laura Palmer and Twin Peaks. I was probably at the most angsty I’ve ever been in my life and found myself getting sucked into the sadness and the horror of Laura's suffering and her self-medicating from the severe trauma of sexual abuse.

Not too long ago, I discovered a book about the Twin Peaks film Fire Walk with Me that I highly recommend. It reinvigorates the much-maligned 1992 movie. I also suggest Laura's Ghost, which focuses on Laura Palmer specifically and how her character speaks to so many women.

 

I’m trying to go through my older posts to make sure there’s nothing that I’ve changed my mind about having online and I noticed there are several images of triangles with exclamation points inside. 

Despite how ominous-looking they appear, they are safe to read those posts.

This is what those symbols could mean:

In general, an exclamation point symbol within a triangle means that the original photo file is missing, cannot be found, or is too low-quality for the current use. The specific reason depends on the application or service where you see the symbol. 

Common causes for the warning symbol

• File location has changed: If the original image was moved, deleted, or relocated from its original folder, the software or website can't access it. This can happen in photo management programs like Adobe Lightroom.
• Source file is unavailable: In cloud-based services like iCloud Photos or Google Photos, this symbol means the original, high-resolution version of the photo could not be downloaded from the cloud. This is often due to a poor or missing internet connection.
• Low image resolution: When using a photo in a project, like a photo book or a slide, the warning indicates that the image's resolution is too low for the required size, which could result in a blurry or pixelated final product.
• Corrupted file: In some cases, the original photo file may have become corrupted and is no longer accessible.
• Deleted content: For online blogs or websites, the symbol can appear if a photo has been deleted from the host's servers.