There's a certain amount of loneliness that can come with too much freedom. After work tonight I wandered around town aimlessly, going places I didn't even need to go to because I didn't want to return to my empty apartment. In the local gas station supermart Snow Patrol was playing on the sound system and the gorgeous, plaintive sounds of "Just Say Yes' pulled at my heart like a child tugging on her mother's pants' leg.
That moment was surreal, like almost every moment is when I hear a favorite sad song unexpectedly out and about. Things seemed to slow down and I noticed the people in the supermart...an elderly man with careworn wrinkles on his face and the bluest eyes I've seen in quite some time...a man in his thirties dashing in and out, impatient to pay for his gas...the cashier, friendly enough, but still distant, his eyes looking at something over my head. He was young and good-looking and had that air of waiting for his shift to end because he had plans in a few hours, big plans.
I bought my newspapers, my coffee energy drink and some non-perishable lunch items for work the next day. Dawdling was silly...my apartment would still be empty no matter what time I got home. Miss Right was not lurking around the corner, somehow waiting for me to bump into her unexpectedly. I watched way too many silly romantic comedies full of false ideas and yet still I waited...
So now, it's past midnight and I'm listening to this amazing album by Rocco DeLuca and the Burden. The song on right now is called "Open Pages" and it's steeped in calm sadness...resignation and maybe even the idea that pain is noble if you handle it the right way.
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