I also give myself a mental litmus test. If I feel a little less blue every time I see her, then the feelings are going away more and more. It'll be okay and I won't unintentionally try her nerves so much.
But each time the feelings are still there and each time I can barely say "hi," yet alone act normal. I act differently around her even though I don't want to. I want to be able to be friendly, if not friends. I want to feel around her the way I do everyone else.
And yet I'm still a babbling idiot or quietly rude. I haven't felt like this since high school and it strikes me as so ridiculous I'm full of shame. Who feels this way around someone else at this age? :(
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