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Lately, I've been struggling with memories and what is real and what is not. When I doubt if something happened to me personally, the only reality check I have is my sister because we're close in age and we often will ask each other (when it comes to our childhood and some parts of school) "did this really happen?"

But my sister and I have always pretty much lead completely different lives as we have gotten older so we share less things and memories and so I often don't have that reality check.

Because of a recurring and hurtful dream I had again the other night some things have been "reactivated" in my mind and memory and I have no one to ask about it.

Obviously Google can't be used to access our personal memories from the past, but it can be to access what was going on in the world at the time I'm wondering about. 

So I checked the weather on one occasion for May of 1988 and then accessed the songs that would have been on the radio and both matched my memories of that time period*

Unfortunately, the more I let my memory open up and allowed myself to think about that period in my life the floodgates, as they say, opened and I experienced a level of embarrassment pretty much unparalleled in any other time in my life.

I find that the more you realize just how wrong you were about something, how wrong you were about wronging someone, the harder it is to forgive yourself, even if you very young at the time.

*In May 1988, some of the top songs on the Billboard Hot 100 included "Anything For You" by Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine, "One More Try" by George Michael, "Shattered Dreams" by Johnny Hates Jazz, and "Always On My Mind" by the Pet Shop Boys. Other notable hits included "Need You Tonight" by INXS, "Heaven is a Place On Earth" by Belinda Carlisle, and "Never Gonna Give You Up" by Rick Astley. 

Here's a more detailed look at some of the top songs and their charting performance in May 1988:

• One More Try - George Michael: This song reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100 during the week ending May 31, 1988. 
• Anything For You - Gloria Estefan & Miami Sound Machine: This song was also high on the charts, likely in the top ten during May 1988. 
• Shattered Dreams - Johnny Hates Jazz: Another popular track that was likely in the top ten. 
• Always On My Mind - Pet Shop Boys: This song was also in the top ten during May. 
• Need You Tonight - INXS: This song was a major hit, and likely climbed the charts in May. 
• Heaven is a Place On Earth - Belinda Carlisle: Another popular song that was likely in the top ten. 
• Never Gonna Give You Up - Rick Astley: This song became a major hit later in the year, but it's possible it was already gaining traction in May.