In a move that wouldn't surprise anyone who knows even the littlest about Bryan Fischer (head of the American Family Association) he is on yet another rant about gay people. This time he has been kind enough to speak for everyone by saying "no wants to visualize homosexuality because it is disgusting."

To me, that statement seems ignorant more than mean. First of all, if he has enough spare time on his hands to imagine what people of the world are or are not visualizing, he needs to reconsider his priorities. Second, he would be better off trying to "visualize" what it is like to be gay, instead of picturing actual gay acts.

I know I've gone on about this before, but of all the homophobic comments I've read or heard throughout most of my adult life, the one that gets to me most is "I don't care what two people do in the privacy of their bedroom, as long as they don't talk about it."

As far as I know, no one (gay or straight) talks about their sex lives, unless it's a bunch of close friends out on a Friday night, (generally) venting about how much better things could be with their significant others. More importantly, whether you are straight or gay, relationships and sexuality are about so much more than the bedroom.

One of the few convenient things about being single, celibate and and harboring feelings for someone you're definitely not meant to be with (especially if that person is so neat and special, no one else really interests you that much) is that you learn to pretty much be happy alone. 

I know if I never ever have any kind of intimacy of that level that I will be absolutely fine...I also know I'm still gay whether I ever "act" on that part of me or not. For Bryan Fischer to reduce gay people to "disgusting" sex acts shows an ignorance that is far far more insulting (to me, at least) than anything else to ever come out of a such a staunch homophobe's mouth.

Bryan Fischer also acts as though no one has ever said this before. I imagine there are millions of people who find acting on homosexuality "disgusting." For them the solution is simple: just don't visualize it. No one's asking them to...on the other hand, asking someone to "stop" being gay (whether in their hearts or with their bodies) is pretty much impossible. The repercussions of trying to do so (i.e. suicide) are extremely heartbreaking and harsh.

I wish Mr. Fischer (nor anyone else who is anti-gay) no ill will. I just sincerely wish from the bottom of my soul homophobic people tried to truly understand those they oppose. That is all. 

Gay people are not here to destroy the world. We are here to love...just like anyone else.

Last night I dreamed I dropped and broke my glasses during the zombie apocalypse. I was sad, not because it was the end of the world, but because I couldn't read very well. And, of course, non-electronic books with small print were the only ones around.

Food became very scarce and without good vision it was also hard for me to tell the difference between zombies and humans. Everything soon went to Hell.

I finally found a survivor camp and, in the best part of the dream, met a really nice girl who seemed to like me. :) But it was so real (SO REAL!) and we had to get shots (long after things went south) to try and help us not be infected if bitten and the pain I felt stunned me.

I tried to wake myself up, but couldn't and so for a while I thought everything was actually happening. The girl (woman, really, since she was my age) helped me after I stumbled when I rose from the cot to let the next person get vaccinated. 

"I've got you," she said gently, then handed me one of my favorite books ever, holding it close. "And I've got this for you." It was so weird that I recognized the title because I normally can't read or write in dreams (this is apparently a common thing for most people as the part of brain used for reading is "shut off" while we sleep*). That I could see words only made it more convincing that it was real life.

Oddly enough, it was one of the best dreams I've ever had, even if it had scary parts and didn't always make sense.

 *
"Lots of people find they can't read text in a dream, that if they see text it's almost always garbled or hieroglyphics or doesn't make sense or it's fuzzy. People who can read in a dream will still report that the text is not stable; if they look away and then back, it says something different or there's no longer any writing there. So trying to read something in a dream is a good test for lots of people. Others find that things like light switches and other knobs that are supposed to turn things on and off work normally in their real world and don't do what they expect them to in a dream."
--from: http://www.scientificamerican.com/article/how-to-control-dreams/

"Take A Giant Step" shuffled on to my player tonight and put a smile on my face. The Carole King/Geoffrey Goffin penned-song is such a great mood-changer:


Though you've played at love and lost
And sorrow's turned your heart to frost
I will melt your heart again.
Remember the feeling as a child
When you woke up and morning smiled
It's time you felt like you did then.
There's just no percentage in remembering the past
It's time you learned to live again at last.

Come with me, leave yesterday behind
And take a giant step outside your mind.

You stare at me in disbelief
You say for you there's no relieve
But I swear I'll prove you wrong.
Don't stay in your lonely room
Just staring back in silent gloom.
That's not where you belong
Come with me I'll take you where the taste of life is green
And everyday holds wonders to be seen.

Come with me, leave yesterday behind
And take a giant step outside your mind.

Just like wine does, people have good years...not in terms of their worth like wine (everyone is worthy, no matter the year or person) but in terms of happiness and which ones are better.

I've spent most of the day cleaning and I found a box where I had put away some pictures from when my niece was born and that I need to add to my photo albums. They kept falling loose and I didn't want to misplace them, since they are very dear to me.

These past few months have been really trying and seeing glimpses from a better time helps more than I thought it would. Sometimes seeing your happier times can hurt when you're down, but sometimes they can remind you that happy and sad ebb and flow. Happy will return soon, it will.

There are some bands you might not necessarily be madly passionate about, but still have feelings for in your memory. I've never been a huge Chicago fan (except for "Saturday In The Park" and the stunningly beautiful "Colour My World," which would make even Cruella Deville cry) yet their music seemed to follow me all through my youth.

In middle school, our music teacher had us play Chicago songs on the recorder. He constantly used current pop music to engage our attention, though Chicago was never particularly the rage among my classmates. Chicago most likely works better with the recorder than the far more energized Motley Crue or Prince would have.

In high school, my sister became such a passionate Chicago listener, theirs was the only music she played in her room besides Madonna. I always found the 80s albums to be a bit sappy, maybe even emotional overkill, but the sincerity within them struck me as endearing.

Of the different lead singers who have moved through the band, Peter Cetera (vocals and bass from 1967-1985) has a voice that sounds very kind and genuine and even when I didn't like the songs, I liked his attitude. It's not his fault, after all, I associate that particular period of Chicago with being a wallflower at a high school dance.

The liner notes from their 2007 release The Best Of Chicago aren't especially introspective (it would be kind of neat to see reflections on their early singles), but there is this mention of Diane Warren, who seems to have written every Top 40 power ballad from the 80s and early 90s.

She has written for so many well-known singers, but I think my favorite song of hers is "Solitaire," which Laura Branigan released in 1983.

 

for more on Diane Warren:

 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diane_Warren