I was looking up information on an author for a science fiction class I am taking through work and I discovered that the writer killed herself, in part because she struggled much of her life with having feelings for other women. I guess maybe this hit too close to home for me and I have been overcome with such sadness, more than is probably reasonable or that I can even explain, given that I was much worse off with struggling when I was younger than I am now.

I really do not know many people in my own life who know the despair of struggling with being gay. The only other lesbian I know (and with whom I am not close friends with, but I have had conversations with about all kinds of topics) was warmly accepted by her parents when she came out to them. 

A couple of months back at work I helped a young lady find young adult novels on coming out. I guess she was about sixteen or seventeen. She quietly said thanks and, afterwards, I could not help but notice that the young lady went over to a woman and called her mom and that as she showed her the books, the woman hugged her to her side and told her it was going to be okay. I was so happy for the girl, I truly, truly was, but after that I excused myself from the reference desk and went to the bathroom where I ended up crying for a little bit.

It has been more than a quarter of a century since I first told my parents I am gay and they still will not accept who I am. It may be the 21st century, but some people are still living in the 19th. I am so, so happy for anyone whose parents and other loved ones in their lives wholeheartedly accept them, but I also hope they know how blessed they are to have this.

...

A recent issue of a science fiction magazine I like devoted its main topic to LGBTQ characters and stories, something that just really jumped out at me because science fiction is not always warm and friendly to gay and lesbians (think Orson Scott Card). These two passages are ones I really, really relate to:

There are a lot of theories used both for and against gays and lesbians in trying to 'figure' out why one might be gay.



 
http://www.christiananswers.net/q-cross/cross-gaychange.html
 

Music is the place I go to get away from me. And this is one of my favorite pictures of how I'd like to escape, its aura is so peaceful and lovely. I mean I know it's a picture of Batgirl, but I am still transfixed by the look on her face and the starkness of the backdrop...not to mention that she's finding tranquility so high up off the ground (for me that's truly amazing since I have a huge fear of heights.)

Every once in a while I want to let go and be saved by someone, but then I feel childish. We to have to be our own superheroes...no one else is going to swoop in and take me away from this world on those days that are particularly trying...besides there are more and more days lately when I'd rather be saving someone or something...doing so much more than I am right now with my life and finding a real purpose beyond just existing.

Now if only there were a chapter in here regarding getting rid of feelings for someone...

I really need this book!!

"Their alternative? Put doing good over feeling good and “respect what you do with your feelings, not what they do to you.” So even when you’re forced to live with powerful emotions like envy, anger, fear and disappointment, they needn’t distract you from your regular goals, like avoiding unnecessary conflict, making a living and being a good, decent human."--Read more: The Ultimate Anti-Self-Help Book | Books | PureWow Books 
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http://www.elle.com/culture/books/a30207/fuck-feelings-book-review/

good advice...