My cat sauntered around the kitchen corner earlier tonight and had a mouse wiggling in his mouth and I screamed and he dropped the mouse and now I don’t know where the mouse is.

Mouser that he is, my cat is on extra intense patrol right now. I already felt queasy before this happened and I am just feeling worse because I hate knowing there’s a mouse here and I don’t know where they are.

Rationally, I shouldn’t be afraid of a mouse, right?

Why am I so nervous that there’s a mouse in my house? 

I think it’s the way they move; it’s so weird how quickly and unpredictably they move 

And then there are the germs 

Otherwise, though, they’re kind of cute 

Updated

This article makes me think I wasn’t imagining the feelings behind what I first wrote:

https://www.leefang.com/p/democratic-consultants-deceived-donors

I have donated to Kamala Harris‘s campaign more than a couple of times, but I am at the point where I just can’t afford to anymore.

As much as I want her to win, as much as I need her to win, I resent the wording of the emails and texts I receive each time a further donation request is made. 

Most people can’t afford to donate more than a few times and even then only $20 or $30 each donation, if that.

I don’t begin to understand how campaign finance works, but it just feels like candidates are not reading the room. 

The average American does not have endless pockets, no matter which side they want to donate to for the presidential election.

I just don't understand how we are where we are, right now, in our country. How did someone like Trump get here, not once, twice, but three times? A candidate for presidency, yet again.

I fear, to a nauseating level, that he is going to win. I am almost positive he will. And with that win comes Vance (even worse than Trump, if possible) and Project 2025.

What will happen to so many of my friends and me, so many other people all across the country, who are "The Other," who don't support Trump and are parts of marginalized communities? 

I also fear for the field I work in: libraries.

I fear for nurses and doctors and any one else in the medical profession who 100 percent support women in all areas of their health.

My mental list of fears has grown so strong in the past few months that I am never relaxed (and I pretty much came out of the womb a very un-relaxed being.)

I find myself wondering what the parameters will be to quality as a "enemy from within." Will the military be used to oppose anyone who dares to object to what could possibly become a dictatorship?

When I get like this, I lose all sense of how to write down my thoughts and feelings. On paper and even more in my own mind, I sound almost unhinged. And that scares me too.

If I could talk directly with Donald Trump and know he'd really listen I would ask him so many things:

-Why are you so hateful and nasty and racist and sexist and overall just bastardly? It doesn't matter how industrious or how hard you may have worked to get where you are, it should not come at the cost of your humanity or ours.

-How can you say you will be a woman's "protector" (never mind how cringey that sounds) and yet be so horrible to them?

-How can you have once said you were the most lgbtq-friendly president and yet want to take so many of their rights away...possibly do even worse than that to them?

-How can you take any disagreement whatsover (no matter how small or real or sincere) and turn it into vengeance and punishment for those who do not see things the same way you do? 

-How insecure can you be that you want to go after your critics and people who do not vote for you or who support Kamala Harris? Does that mean you're going to try and go after more than half the country's population?

-Have you ever you truly felt empathy or sorrow for someone else's plight?

-What the H-LL were you thinking choosing JD Vance as your running mate? He's even scarier than you are!

My list could go on and on, but I'll stop here, except to say that the most honest thing you have ever said was back in 2016 when you stated: "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?"

I fear so much for our future and for all that you will bring to it if you win in November.

 

I think this October Atlantic cover pretty much says it all...not to mention, I'm too exhausted, emotionally and mentally, to even contemplate a future with Project 2025 and a man not shy at all about his dictatorship dreams. But as horribly uncouth and downright bastardly as Trump is, his running mate, with nightmarish dreams of his own, scares me far, far more.