In honor of finishing off a particularly harsh year of emotions getting the worst of me, I say #%^* off to 2014 with one last horribly honest post so I can exorcise these pesky little demons once and for all.
You can go through most of your life wearing (unintentionally or not) your very own cloak of invisibility, no magic or superpowers necessary.
You don't get asked (as each year that passes, midlife appears more and more in the rearview mirror) "why aren't you married?" (This, sadly, does not apply to one's own parents.)
You don't have to worry that the person you like ( whom you don't want to know you like) knows because she doesn't see you in any way that counts (see cloak of invisibility.)
There is actually a certain clarity that comes with knowing you have absolutely no appeal as a possible romantic partner...to anyone. You never have to agonizingly wonder if someone might like you because past experience and the brutual truth only a mirror can provide offer the answer up right away, every day.
Of course when you feel you aren't really seen you also
start to wonder if you exist in any way that is meaningful. I believe we were put on this to love and (hopefully) be loved back, but sometimes that doesn't happen. When a loving soul resides in a unlovable body it is pure torture to the soul inside that body.
You can deflect all you want (always laugh at yourself before anyone else gets a chance to) and you can pretend you don't care. But no matter how shy and awkward we may be even the most unlikely of us wants to share our heart with someone who could (somehow) want it.
Believing in New Year's Resolutions ultimately means nothing if I'm not willing to back them up with action. I so hope I do. I so hope 2015 is the year I finally get far more practical and lose the silly schoolgirl shlock that romance novels and movies love to feed.
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