music, books, love and kindness

I'm not a wine person, not at all. But after dropping my niece back at her house yesterday and suddenly feeling tons of things I'd been suppressing for days, I decided to go to the liquor store and get some Pino Gigrio. This decision was based not on the intention to get drunk (I never have been my entire life) but to find some kind of mellow.

When I hang out with my niece we have so much fun I almost always forget the worries and anxiety that are often a daily part of my mind. She is my most favorite person in the world and one of the few people I completely relax around. She's funny, smart and has awesome taste in music. After our time together ends, I sometimes get in a tiny funk.

This time I really did because for some odd reason the things that had been going on in my "other" life before we got together for New Year's resurfaced. 

I remembered the look of horror on an acquaintance's face that she probably didn't even realize flickered across her face when I asked her a question. I thought about how my parents are starting up again with saying how I should be married (to a man) and how I'm a disappointment to them because I remain single. I cringed at all I did wrong this year and how much I want to get it all right this upcoming one.

I just wanted to forget for a little bit...maybe not the most mature thing, but it's the truth.

Instead (despite the surprisingly pleasant taste) I got a nasty headache and a nagging sense of unease. I think I will just stick to music for unwinding and trying to escape for a while. It's a whole lot safer.