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This is what it's like to be around someone you really like, but know you shouldn't, and have to be around anyway: you can't talk to them. You physically can't, even if you want to, like a normal person would.
You get tongue-tied, not because you've time traveled back to high school all of a sudden or even because you're at heart a shy person. You are terrified of what you might say if you open your mouth (possibly declare your feelings or jibber jab like a cartoon character.)
And, odder yet somehow not, you're terrified no matter what you do say, no matter how generic or innocent, it will give away clues. And you most certainly do not want that person to ever know, ever. So, instead of being like you would with anyone else in your life, casual if not normal, you're always worried and going out of your way to be careful is actually your downfall.
There are rare days when you can actually talk, even laugh or enjoy that person's company completely relaxed. But you just get these vibes, no matter how nice and genuine the person is, that they would rather you leave them alone. And that only adds to the confusion.
So then you decide, maybe, some things are best left alone and you care about the person, would want to have a friendship if you could, but ultimately decide some things are best left alone. Because, even if you didn't get those icy vibes (which, honestly, the person can't help but give off, you just know somehow) your gut instinct would guide you...and because even if you didn't have that gut instinct, you would still feel sad and useless in this situation because you just don’t know how to be the person she could actually like.
“Trust instinct to the end, even though you can give no reason.”
― Ralph Waldo Emerson
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